How to help surviving parent

[NooNakedJacuzziness]

My Dad died a few weeks ago after a very short illness. My sibling and I took it in turns to stay with my mum for the first few weeks. She's really struggling with being alone at night now though. Her friends have been good but they tend to visit in the daytime and she's finding the nights so long and difficult.

I don't know how to help her. I stay over once a week, as does my sibling (on different nights). Mums not an animal lover, I thought a little dog would help but she's not keen - says she's too old.

I don't think she wants to go on and I don't know what to suggest that might help. Any ideas, or is it just time she needs?

It is very very early days for your mum (and you & sister).
Can either of you set up a rota to call her or FaceTime her on the nights there isn’t anyone to stay? Breaks up the evening /nights and needs inly
to be 10 mins to reassure her. Maybe get her into a box set of something that she needs to catch up on to discuss with you or friends. She needs a routine of lots of different activities to break up the perceived length of the evenings. Eg 6pm meal and clear up 7pm phone call 8pm bath/shower etc 9pm an hour of a box set etc etc and bed and a book with a glass of water/mug of tea/something else. If she could add in exterior activities like a walk around the block or women’s institute/book club/craft evening to break up the week, then she may cope a little easier as it stops the dread/anxiety building.
but it is early days and she may just need someone physically there more than you currently can provide. - so could you host her a night, stay with her one night, same for your sister. Then it’s only three nights which could be interspersed with your & your siblings nights.
also counselling for bereavement?

Thanks @Alphabet1spaghetti2, some good ideas. She's not sleeping very well which makes the nights even longer. I tell her to ring me anytime but she's of the generation that "don't want to be a burden". I think I'll try and stay an extra night and try to rope her niece in to do one as well.

Oh bless her. It might be an idea to see if she will speak to her GP. I am about to face the same situation, and mine has been excellent at advice, putting in place counselling and provision of drugs if necessary to help with sleep/anxiety and depression. It might be that her GP will be as helpful ?

Could you see if she knows how to download podcasts from BBC sounds so that age could listen to audio stuff if can't sleep.

She's on a downer about seeing the GP as they were pretty useless when my Dad was ill - it was almost impossible to get him an appointment so she thinks the system is beyond broken.

I've suggested audio books @RaininSummer - I can't remember why she shot that suggestion down now. She's not great with tech. Almost every suggestion is shot down to be honest. She needs to help herself but she just can't see the point in anything at the moment. It's so sad, I feel like I'm grieving for both parents.

Sorry to hear you're going through tough times as well @Alphabet1spaghetti2

Op I think your darling mum will need a lot of time. She's suddenly on her own after I suspect, a very very long time. Just be there either in person or on the end of the phone. I get she's old school and doesn't want to be a bother. My dad was exactly the same when my mum died. Can you contact your local cruse (grief counselling) for advice?? My dad found them very helpful with social groups and a cuppa and a chat groups. Hugs to you all x 💐💕

Thanks @shellyleppard - yes they were together almost 60 years. At least it's summer, I think it would've been even worse with long dark nights.

Sending the biggest of hugs to you all x my mum and dad were together for 53 years when she passed. My dad's gone into overdrive socially, says it stops him thinking about her 😭

Oh bless him