Estrangement

[DNLove]

Quick skim through titles and didn't see much on your topic. My father died recently. We'd been estranged for guts of 20 years. In that time I'd visited him in hospital and told him to contact me when he was out and never received a contact(2 times)
He passed, I was sad for my siblings who were closer. I was shed tears on day for our history which Was good. I genuinely have not felt sadness since. Isn't it hard to miss someone that hasn't been in your life for 20 years.

I do wonder am squishing some emotion down but I genuinely feel 100%. I made my peace with the situation 18 years prior to his death.
Any experience in same or different ways? Am I disillusioned thinking I'm OK?

I was in a similar situation last October. It actually hit me hard at first but I quickly got over it. I did my grieving long ago. I hope you'll be like me. 💐

Genuinely feel like his passing took the weight of expected guilt of me. As in a key person always pushing for me to reconnect, telling me I'd feel x. I always had the weight of possible regret, as told by other people, but kina freeing knowing I was right and I don't have that regret. I more feel pity for what he missed out on, not me.

What caused the estrangement 20 years ago?

I often wonder how I'll feel as I do wish things could be different. I imagine I'll be devastated at the loss of any hope.