How to help - Grief

[Rad123]

My best friend of nearly 30 years lost her partner recently in incredibly tragic circumstances.

I know that nothing I can do will ease her pain, but if I can help make the grieving process the tiniest bit more bearable for her I will do whatever I can.

Does anyone have any advice?

Food - whatever you can do to help her eat without effort, whether that's taking meals over, keeping a supply of easy snacks in her fridge, ordering the odd takeaway, or a voucher for meal kit scheme.

Childcare - if relevant - to give her space.

Cleaning/dishwashing/laundry - depending on her temperament, either offer or just quietly do.

Don't take anything personally. Check in often while making it clear there's no need to reply.

Just be there for her consistently.

Dh’s cousin recently passed and his widow was concerned as she wasn’t a blood relative people from our side would just stop contacting her. So aside from practical things like food, I’d say regular contact. I used to send her a message just letting her know I was thinking of her and that no response was needed. If she only had enough energy to like the message not reply, she knew where I was. As a few months have passed we now go out and enjoy chatting about her husband - often widowed people don’t want to forget their loved one and want people to talk about them - obviously leading from her when she’s ready of course.

staying in touch as others have said is a big thing. many people are scared to either face grief or are frightened of saying the wrong thing - many friends fall by the wayside.

Text her. Call her. If she doesn't feel like talking she wont answer. A voicemail saying just wanted to see how you were doing and let you know I was thinking of you, if you don't feel like talking to anyone no problem but if you ever want to speak to anyone give me a call.
and keep doing it periodically.
let her know you are there, thinking of her.

Yes, staying in touch - not just in the immediate aftermath of the death but in a month, two months, three months and beyond - if you can manage it. Grief comes in waves and people assume that once you’ve stopped openly weeping all the time that it’s probably best not to risk opening up a wound by asking about it, or perhaps they are glad of the emotional respite and just want to move the conversation on.

It is really helpful when you know you have a friend you can call and say “I’m having a bad day” months after the event.

If you can’t be that emotional crutch that is ok , but at least to indicate you know she is still having a rough time and you understand. You might also encourage her to get some counselling