Not coping with dad's death

[Fajita123]

Hi everyone sorry for your losses. My dad died suddenly from meningitis on 25th April and I am struggling to cope as we were incredibly close.

He was the most amazing dad so supportive and loving he was always so calm and gave the best advice about everything. He was the best grandfather to my children attending all of their special assemblies and my sons football games

What self help did you do to help? I feel really demotivated but am a single parent to two children so can't really spend the day wallowing which is what I feel like doing.

His funeral is on the 10th of June and its just really dragging and there is a lot of tension within the family around funeral plans which I am now stepping away from as it was just causing me too much stress and upset but I am the eldest. He split from my mother years ago and she has not been supportive.

I just really feel alone, vulnerable and can't stop bursting into tears thanks for reading x

Can’t give too much advice but I’m with you. My mum passed on the 3rd of march suddenly. She was my best friend.

When the funeral has passed and you have time to exhale and begin to process, you’ll be able to start to grieve and find new routines and fill in some of the gaps he left (although initially you might not want to i’m sure he loves you enough that he would want that for you).

I am almost three months in now and, although it hurts everyday, I have moments of joy and laughter.

I had a newborn baby and my ten year old son (who loved my mum more than anyone in the world) and, like you, just wanted to hide under the duvet. But actually it was good that they were there because I had no option but to keep going and be the best I could. My kids have kept me going through this whole painful process and continue to do so today. Live to make them happy for now and you’ll find your happiness will come back with time x

So sorry for your loss. I found losing my DF so hard. Some things that helped me were getting some proper grief Counselling. We were lucky enough to be offered this by the Hospice but your GP or a local bereavement charity might help.

I also got outside a lot. Have you heard of Blue Health? I hadn't at the time but found myself drawn to water.

So sorry for your loss. When I lost my dad 3 years ago I really struggled. Everyone deals with things differently but something that really helped me was having a letters to dad diary. Every night I would write to him - all the things I wish id had chance to say, what was happening and how I was feeling. I still write now but not as often - mainly big dates like his birthday.

Someone said to me grief is the price we pay for love and I really like thinking of it like this.

Thinking of you Xx

@Justanotherusername27 thank you so much for your advice yes my children do give me focus I just struggle with getting energy to want to do anything then I feel guilty for being a crappy mom

@CadyEastman yes I get bereavement counselling through work but they said they start the structured sessions 3 months after death but I can call up at any time for unstructured counselling. I do try to go out for walks in the evening which helps to clear my head

@emmacat I will try the writing letters that sounds like such a good idea.

I think I'm just struggling with feeling so alone now. The people who I thought would be really supportive are not but like you said everyone deals with bereavement different. I just miss him terribly but I try to imagine what advice he would be giving me in this situation

@Fajita123 I am so sorry for the death of your lovely dad. We had to wait 5 weeks for the funeral and it is such a difficult time, my heart goes out to you.

Your Dad is part of you and I often have an internal dialogue with my Mum - I knew her so well that I know what she would say most of the time. I find this strangely comforting.
The idea above of writing to your dad and offloading what you are feeling can be really therapeutic, I have done this a few times.

I think people often struggle to know what to do when someone has suffered a bereavement. Sometimes friends keep a distance feeling that they don't want to intrude but actually it can make you feel worse. Do you have a family member who you can talk to about Dad?

I have found online groups really helpful in getting me through the last few weeks. My Mum was a sudden death and we performed CPR so I joined a group of people who had performed CPR and there were many who had been through a similar situation to me, this really had helped me to understand the emotions that I had been going through (flashbacks etc). I note that you lovely Dad passed away from meningitis. Is there a group that you could find for other people who have lost family members in this way? I have found this forum on Mumsnet really helpful too. Just to post when I am having a rough day or feeling an emotion that I am struggling with. Sending you hugs and strength x

@Fajita123 I am so sorry to hear about your Dad. I can really sympathise as my lovely Dad died on the 11 of May very suddenly and unexpectedly from a heart attack. I can’t even write that without complete disbelief. How can I be writing this about my Dad? His funeral is also on the 10th of June. I’m sorry you are going through it too x