I wish someone could give me an answer

[Patty78]

I'm an atheist. I can't help it. I wish I weren't. I wish so badly I could believe in something and know that I could speak to my mum again. Know that she's somewhere.
I feel totally alone. I'm a solo mum to a six-year-old. She's lovely and perfect, but I still feel like I've got no real support. I can't lean on a little girl. My sister's great, but she's 500 miles away. I also don't want to upset her. I love her so much, and I don't want to feel like a burden. I've got lots of friends, but who wants to listen to me go on about this? I don't want to make them feel awkward.
I want to know that I can see my mum again. I want to know where she is, what she thinks, and if she's OK. I just don't want her to be finished. I'm so jealous of people who believe. She said she'd come back to me if she could, but she hasn't.
And I'm getting so cross about there being so many shitty people about, and she's not here. I know loads of really awful people who are a lot older than she was, and I really can't stick being around them.

Good friends listen no matter what.

I feel like this sometimes too, my mum passed away in 2014 and I’d love to say that I thought one day I would see here again or that I feel she is near me but I don’t. It’s hard to accept she is truly gone 😞

So sorry for your loss op. I don’t believe either, like you. But I do believe in love. I recently lost my Nana; and when I look at my little boy (I also have no family support like you), I know that his genes are her genes. And that in a really scientific way she lives on because we are here still living. That really helps me. I also know that she lived her life for her family; for my mum and her other children- and she did that because she wanted us to all exist. It’s a different way to see things maybe but it helps me. I often think of the other women above me in the chain of our family and feel an affinity to them that I am carrying life forward.. all of their efforts with their children were so I could be here with mine. Keep going. Lean on your sister even if she is far. She will share your grief also. Sending you love xxx

I'm so sorry Op , I was just looking at photos of my lovely dad who we lost last August, I miss him terribly. We've recently gone through an awful trauma and I so wished I could talk to him. I don't believe in god , my head tells me I won't ever see him again but my heart hopes we will.
The pp is correct, a good friend will listen to you and I would talk to your sister, she'll understand xxxxx

Good friends listen. You can see her. Close your eyes and your memories will bring her to you. You know those times you think “that’s something my mum would have said/done” that’s your mum still with you.

your mum will always be with you because you are a part of her

so sorry for your loss. Tomorrow will be 11 years since I lost my mum

I lost my beloved dad 18 months ago. He and I were both atheists. He was very scientific but even he used to say energy has to go somewhere.. I’d love to believe in a heaven and meeting again, but it just doesn’t make any sense in my head. However I do believe they live on in you. In your heart, in your memory. I find myself doing or saying things and it stops me in my tracks because it’s something he used to say or do. And I talk to him pretty much every day in my head.

If you don’t feel like you want to talk to your sister or friends, would a bereavement councillor help? People on the Mumsnet bereavement thread are always kind and understanding too.

You don't need to believe in god to feel them.
You can just believe in them and your bond.
I feel my dad with me. If you imagine you'll feel it.
Think about her tonight. And you might see her in your dreams. If you focus you connect with all the memories and you know what they would say to you. You can feel them. Parent bonds are strong.

You'll be amazed, friends are happy to talk it about it. But beware you and they will cry a bit.
I was surprised. But they actually are. Everyone feels it. You sister will too.
But just talk to your mum. She will appear and say something. Just like Let it Be - that was Paul McCartney seeing his mum in his dreams.

Talk.to her anyway. I don't believe in the afterlife, think it's just like you being asleep permanently But the whole point is we don't know so do what brings yoy comfort.

There are days where I'll really cry and cry, but then I've just got to carry on. I don't think I'm adulting very well, to be honest. And loads and loads of awful stuff has happened since she's gone. Really. And I feel like I'm a little lost kid. I'm 45 FFS. She was always on my side. She didn't deserve the cancer she got. I know nobody does. All this life crap that's happened and I've had to face it without her. I keep thinking of all the stuff I've got to tell her! So much. I need to tell her so much. She loved my DD with her whole heart and now she can't see her. I just want her to come home. Or just give me a little sign. But thank you all for your kindness. My DD is just like her. The same attitude and spirit. And with some of the life crap, I keep thinking, "Mum wouldn't have put up with this shit. Do what she would have done. She didn't bring you up to put up with this.". She was fierce and brave and so funny and so selfless. Absolutely selfless. I'm so sorry for all your losses. You must all be very lovely people to help others on this board. Thank you.

My dd had a baby 9 weeks ago, we nearly lost him as he was born with a serious heart defect . He's only just come out of hospital. I tell myself that my dad helped him to pull through , again, my head tells me it was the amazing surgeon that saved him but my heart likes to believe that my dad was watching over him.

Im so sorry you lost your lovely mum. I think so many of us feel the same. I miss my mum and feel the unfairness of it, the senselessness of her loss so keenly. It’s been three years and the lost of things I want to tell her just gets longer.

I try to feel close to her by being in my garden, and I try to live the life she would have wanted me to live.

My little boy still talks about her all the time, and that helps me a lot. Remembering the fun times and allowing the grief to surface gently.

I hope you find a way to handle the grief, the truth is it never goes away, but in the end we find ways to continue.

I know exactly how you feel OP. My mum died last year. She was my best friend and the only person who will ever love me unconditionally.

Sorry if this sounds strange, but thank you for sharing your feelings. It helps to know I'm not alone.