Addiction is the thief TW

[vixsta2001]

My Db was found last sat after not being heard from for a week and it looks like he's probably overdosed. I just can't see how my pain will get any better, we had to collect his measly belonging from the shitty hotel he had been put up in since Covid.

He was a heroin addict, he was a troubled soul and he made my mums life hell so i had distanced myself from him as he was tearing me apart.

Today was the saddest day of my life. The hotel treated his belongings like as if we were collecting our daily bread and milk, no sympathy or apologies for not carrying out a welfare check when we requested last week. His body was so decomposed, we can't go and say goodbye. My heart is breaking, my mums is breaking even harder and I just can't see how we will get through this even though we had always expected this day to come, nothing prepared us for how much it hurts.

I don't know why I'm on here really, I'm just so, so sad and would take comfort from anyone who's been there and can tell me this will get easier.

I'm so sorry for your loss. You must be heartbroken. I hope in time you can remember him in happier times.

I’m so sorry. for you, your family and your brother

God, I'm so sorry OP. What a terrible loss.

I’m sorry for your loss OP and sorry for the pain it will cause your Mother.

do you want to share anymore about him?

OP sounds like you are talking about my life at the minute. I am always just waiting for that call.

My heart is breaking for you 💔

Hey, I'm so sorry to hear this. My ex was found dead from an overdose, so I know how you feel to a certain extent.

Drugs are awful. They rob people of the enjoyment of their lives and they rob people of their lives.

I'm sorry you won't get to say goodbye. My ex was found after 3 days and we were allowed to see him after some discussion with the mortuary. I was glad I did, so it may be that you can see him.

Do you want to tell us about him, as he was, before the drugs?

He was 44, dad to 5 children, the youngest being my absolutely adorable, cheeky 5 yr old nephew. My heart breaks for his kids, they don't deserve to think they weren't enough to save him. He also has 2 grandchildren, one of whom he never met.

He was a difficult teen, he was co dependent on my mum and unfortunately she enabled him. She has her own issues from her childhood so would never cut contact or give tough love, so I'm not sure he ever hit his own rock bottom. She paid for him to go to rehab, but quite honestly he only went because he needed to flee the people he owed money too! He was tied up and tortured for some time when his partner was visiting family with my 8 week old DN.

We all tried to help him, but after 15 yrs I refused to give him money so we didn't really have much of a relationship of late. I did get to have a chat with him about a month ago which I'll take comfort from and he told me how he had just discharged himself from hospital as he had ulcerated legs and cellulitis but that the hospital didn't care, I mean they can't make you stay! He couldn't see that he was in serious danger and should have stayed, he thought they were trying to control him.

It's such a tragic waste of life. Before the addiction, he was charming, funny, handsome, bloody annoying, hyperactive, heart of gold give you his last fiver type person, but too much heartbreak for him broke him.
He moved from woman to woman and had 5 kids to 3 different women, but he struggled with the responsibility of adulting and opted out.

I called him out in March as to why he didn't wish his 5 yr old a happy birthday and I got a barrage of abuse about what did I know and who the hell did I think I was questioning his choices. I can't repeat the words he threw at me.

Yet, I'm still utterly heartbroken! He was my big brother, just 15 months older than me and we were the best of friends growing up. I have so many happy memories and have been watching all the old video footage of him and he's just the most loveliest, funniest man, who has been stolen from us because of the disgusting people who push that shit on vulnerable, desperate people. I know he didn't like the way he lived but he was totally and utterly in the grips of it.

@GoogleWhacking
The police and the coroners are saying he's in too bad a state for us to see him. The hotel state they do a 3 day welfare check but someone is lying as he can't have been that bad had they done their checks. It was a hotel for vulnerable people, and I know it's not their responsibility or fault, but they have taken away the chance for a good bye by lying about timeframes.

@flosset I'm so so sorry for you. It's a living hell and I wouldn't wish it on anyone, Living with that constant anxiety of that late night phone call.
He completely destroyed my mum and we've had to suffer the really shit version of her due to the stress he had put her under.

All I can say is make your peace, because I cannot believe how truly floored we are hearing the reality that he's gone. I know I'll get through this with time, but I'm just so shocked at just how heartbreaking this is.

@vixsta2001 he sounds like he was lovely and suffered some traumatic times. Sometimes, some people just can't get through things that others can without drugs.

When addicts know they are in the wrong, they often have no defence, that a non addict would understand and so all they can do is attack. It is their defence mechanism. To you, ringing on a kids birthday is a simple thing, for someone in the throes of addiction, it just isn't that simple. For a start they would have to know what day of the week it was.

I'm sure your brother knew he was wrong to have forgotten the birthday, and so, because he had no valid reason for not doing it, he had a go at you. It's not a reflection of how he thought about you, I'm sure, but more a reflection of how he knew he was wrong.

You sound like you have many great memories of your brother growing up. Soon they will come to the fore and you will be able to let go of any angst and regrets that you had.

On the day that my ex died, he called and messaged me. I was away from my phone and unknown to me, by the time I got back to it and returned his call, he was already dead. He was found 3 days later. It was all the more shocking because we thought he was clean after years of addiction.

My heart breaks still when I think of the amazing man he was without (and sometimes with) drugs. He also left behind our son and an older son. His daughter was just 3.

Take each day at a time. Talk about him. It's amazing, when you start to talk, how many people have a loved one suffering from addiction. It helps. It really does.

@GoogleWhacking Thankyou, it sounds so similar to what we are going through. I just need to know this feeling will pass as it's just so bloody intense it's scaring me! How is your child now? I guess my nephews age is a blessing as he'll adjust and it'll be his new normal.

My son was 15 when he died. They had onky recently reconnected after 8 years of limited contact. He's 24 now and coped surprisingly well, most well adjusted child ever.

The feelings of guilt etc will fade. It takes a while though. I have to say that I was an absolute mess for weeks until after the funeral (it took 5 weeks as it happened over Xmas) when I began to be able to get through a day without randomly crying.

I still see him sometimes, I catch a glimpse of someone out the corner of my eye and it looks like him for a second.

@vixsta2001 i just sent you a pm

May God ease your aching hearts 💔🙏

That is truly heartbreaking. I am so sorry for you and all his relations.

Hi @vixsta2001 , I'm very sorry for your loss, and for your mum and your brother's children.

My brother died from an overdose just over a year ago. We don't think he had been using drugs regularly in recent years, but he took cocaine on a special occasion, and it was contaminated with opioids, so now he's gone. He was also a lovely, funny person - it's the most enormous and senseless waste.

About when it will feel easier: personally, I am feeling better a year on and am basically functioning on a day-to-day basis. However, it's been on and off, and there are still moments when it really sinks in that he is not coming back. But most of the time, it feels like it didn't really happen, and he is out there somewhere but hasn't been in touch. I like to imagine that he has faked his death somehow. (I know it's not true, but I think that feeling that it didn't really happen is preferable to crying every waking moment, so I'm going along with it to some extent.) I agree that it's best to take it one day at a time, accept that sometimes the grief is overwhelming and sometimes it isn't, and don't feel that you have to grieve in a certain way.