Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Flip

Original poster

Grief 6 months on

20 replies

Liz79k · 28/04/2024 19:22

My dad aged 72 died very suddenly 6 months and I still find myself crying some days. I just don't feel like I'm the same person anymore. The only way I can describe it as is I'm just going through the motions. On the outside I'm functioning "normally" I go to work, when I'm not at work I'm looking after my family and doing all the usual house stuff but inside I feel empty. I've lost interest in socialising. I'm quite happy going places by myself or just being at home on my own. Anything else just feels like an effort.
Is this normal?

OP posts:

Chelle87l · 28/04/2024 19:42

Hi, I know what you are going through. My dad was diagnosed in December last year and he passed away in Feb this year! It felt like I dud have time to process his diagnoses and now trying the process the fact he ain't here. Everything just feels like a chore and I just feel unhappy.

Chelle87l · 28/04/2024 19:42

I am so sorry for your loss x

LovelyBitOfSquirrrel · 28/04/2024 19:45

Hi, I’m so sorry for your loss. I am in the same position. My dad passed away 2 months ago extremely suddenly at age 63, I feel the same as you that I’m just going through the motions of day to day life but with no feeling. Everything seems like I’m just passing time waiting for something but I don’t really know what.

Original poster

Liz79k · 28/04/2024 19:57

I am sorry for your loss too. It is still very early days for you both, it will still be very raw.
I just thought that at the 6 month mark I would magically turn a corner and feel more accepting of it but I don't.

OP posts:

Muchtoomuchtodo · 28/04/2024 20:00

Sending you all lots of love.

My DF died suddenly 2 years ago. It took me well over 12 months to feel motivated to do much more than than simply exist and just do the things that I had to do again.

Give yourselves time, there’s no right or wrong way to feel xxx

MoonRiverDancing · 28/04/2024 20:00

Have you thought about contacting a charity like Cruse?

wishuponastar1988 · 28/04/2024 20:03

My dad died suddenly age 58 in May 2023 so coming up to a year. I still can't think of him without crying and have days where I just sob or I go to ring him and it hits me. Even typing this is making me well up. It's hard but people have assured me it's normal and that everyone's journey is different. Sending love to you x

dreamfield · 28/04/2024 20:05

I'm sorry for your loss. I think it's normal. There aren't any magic corners with grief.

I found the information on these pages comforting when I felt alone and hopeless about not being able to "bounce back" from my loss on the timeline people seemed to expect:

https://www.sueryder.org/grief-support/about-bereavement-and-grief/how-long-does-grief-last/

https://www.cruse.org.uk/understanding-grief/effects-of-grief/how-long-does-grief-last/

How long does grief last?

There’s no timetable for how long grief lasts or how you should feel. In this guide we cover the question 'How long does grief last?' and the 'grief timeline'.

https://www.sueryder.org/grief-support/about-bereavement-and-grief/how-long-does-grief-last

Hotgirlwinter · 28/04/2024 20:06

very sorry for your loss OP, you’re dealing with a double whammy because bereavement is a fucker in itself but sudden loss comes with the extra element of trauma and shock.

I am 5 years past the very sudden loss of a parent and I still have moments of extreme sadness and don’t feel like the same person anymore but I have mostly come to terms with it. I would say it only really turned a corner after two lots of grief counselling. One short course was about a year after and one longer course about 3 years after. Both helped immensely. I would recommend counselling if you can access it - grief counselling specifically.

it took me a year or so to just navigate the shock to be honest, you’re still in the early days and your feelings are totally normal and expected. If you cant access counselling at least make sure you talk to someone - even if that’s online in a support group. Talking about everything helps and it can be really helpful to speak to someone who is impartial.

all the best OP, you will come out the other side xx

HesterPrincess · 28/04/2024 20:09

I lost my Dad just over 12 months ago, and I'm only very slowly starting to feel myself again. I can't look at photos of him yet, and I've got phone messages that I've saved but can't bear to hear his voice. It's slow, and it's painful. Sitting at his grave seems surreal.

All very very normal. Give yourself time, and let yourself mourn.

Original poster

Liz79k · 28/04/2024 20:14

Thank you all for taking the time to respond. I will have a look into bereavement support/counseling.
Sending you all strength and well wishes on your own personal journeys with greif xx

OP posts:

Owls912 · 28/04/2024 22:06

I’ve posted separately about the sudden loss of my dad 2 weeks ago my heart goes out to anyone else going through this torture . I don’t think I will ever wake up feeling happy again . Life is so hard and I feel like no one ever warns you how much the loss of your parent can totally wreck your head and change you .
If you ever want to chat OP Pm me

SummerVibes03 · 28/04/2024 22:19

Sorry for your loss OP. Grief tends to stick around for longer than we expect it to. And it comes and goes. It can easily take two years to move through a significant bereavement. Give yourself time and hold space for your feelings of loss as much as you can. I agree that finding a counsellor to talk to might be helpful.
Also good to remember that grieving is a natural process and it will unfold in its own way. Take good care OP.

chocolateisavegetable · 28/04/2024 22:35

I’m very similar and at 8 months 💐

ukku · 28/04/2024 22:40

It's normal I'm afraid. It's early days.

Mepop · 29/04/2024 00:40

I am so sorry. I am about 6 months on from losing my Dad. His death was sudden and unexpected. There’s a police investigation etc. it is awful. My mother died a few years ago and I was devastated but 6 months on I was starting to feel a bit better. Still not ok but improving. But with my Dad it is still not ok. But I think I was in shock for first couple months. I was wondering if that has impacted my grief.

Chelle87l · 29/04/2024 06:21

This reply has been withdrawn

Withdrawn by MNHQ

Chelle87l · 29/04/2024 06:24

This reply has been withdrawn

Withdrawn by MNHQ

Vallmo47 · 29/04/2024 07:08

There’s no time limit on grief, it’s an individual journey we must all get through and we will do so in our own way in our own time. I lost my mum 17 years ago in May and I still have days that are completely awful. You just cannot predict where grief will take you, you can be fine one minute and ten minutes later something like a song or a person will completely set you off and that’s that day wiped then. I’m sorry for your loss but you need to just give yourself lots and lots of time, 6 months is not a lot at all.

Tcateh · 29/04/2024 09:46

Not feeling like the same person anymore resonates so much.

The new normal is such a weight on me. I lost my mum last September.

I don't think there are any corners either op.

You just keep going for your own sake and personally I do for the fact I have my own daughter who has a living mum. I desperately don't want to let her down by crumbling so that bit of strength is very important.

I think you have to just find that little bit of strength every day.

Massive hugs and strength to you and all of us. Xxx

Oh I've found watching films recently is helping the evenings. Just a distraction.

Bit of a ramble there but I feel proud of I've concentrated on something and redirect my attention on something.

Flip