Wanting to hide in the past

[pastypirate]

Is this a normal part of grief. When dm first died I watched hours of ashes to ashes alone because it reminds me of my childhood with my mum. I'm 44 and my mum was 80 but for some reason I'm desperate to be back home in 1989 when I was 10.

There are no rules.

Yes, my mum died end of March.
I've found it a real comfort being in their house on my own and just looking at her "stuff" or old photos of us as a family.

It does give you a sense of comfort.

I have been careful not to "live on the past" too much and make sense of the reality she is gone.

The amount of admin a death creates makes it hard to process the feelings.

It sounds normal to me. How long has it been?

6 months now and it feels strange writing that.

I think perhaps more immediate memories are too hard to think about but photos I found of our house in the 80's made me realise what a happy time that was just the two of us.

Ive got Covid just now and I feel like crap so I'm pretty emotional.

There is no rule book about how we should manage or look after our grief. Do what your mind and body wants. Go with the flow. Ride it out.

In time it will get easier but we never ever stop missing them.

Even many years later when Mothers / Fathers Day /birthdays/ anniversaries come along, it can still be raw. That’s the price of love.

Im sorry for your loss OP. My dad died young back in 1979. I miss him so much but that’s ok.

Absolutely, it's been four weeks for us and still not finished dealing with banks, solicitors etc.

I completely feel the same. Only just processing the reality she has "gone" because of all the planning for funeral, communication with people and everything else.

X

I am experiencing this right now. My oldest and dearest friend recently died and I find myself desperately longing to be back 35+ years ago when we first met. I've even started watching old television shows from that era. I find it comforting. If I can get lost in the program it's like I'm able to pretend she isn't gone.

I believe that nostalgia and grief are almost inextricably intertwined.

I wouldn't worry about what's "normal". It's a process that will be deeply personal to each individual.

I really relate to this and I did the same with tv shows last year.

I really relate to this and I did the same with tv shows last year

This is early days for me and the pain is fresh and acute. I'm not sleeping very well and I find watching an old television program distracts me enough that I can (sometimes) drift off.

During the day I feel like I have to "keep it together" so I look forward to the quiet of late night when I can just let a nostalgic old program wash over me and hopefully be comforted by good memories.

It's very difficult, isn't it? The worst part is wondering if I'll ever be anything other than this empty shell of a person I am right now. Logically I know I won't always feel like this, but at the moment it's impossible to imagine feeling "normal" any time soon.