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Bereavement

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Angry, grieving DH

3 replies

mousanon · 20/04/2024 17:53

I wasn't sure where to post this so I hope this is okay.

My MIL passed away very recently after a short illness. Her DC had no idea she was unwell until a few weeks before she died and it was all very sudden. Obviously everyone is still very shocked and emotions are still incredibly raw.

DH is in a tailspin and doesn't seem to know what to do. He worked the few days after she died (self-employed) but is now off work for a little while to support his dad and organise the funeral which isn't for another couple of weeks yet.

He's not great at dealing with his emotions at the best of times - he hasn't cried and generally won't talk about it aside from the practicalities of the funeral. Anyway, he's obviously very angry and his emotions are all over the place. One minute he's "fine" (obviously he's not fine, but you know) then he's angry, then withdrawn - I'm just struggling with the outbursts of anger that generally end up aimed in my direction over absolutely trivial issues. Earlier, he was swearing because I didn't know if a particular road was closed or not and couldn't immediately find it online.

Obviously I know he's grieving and I haven't said anything about his behaviour but I was wondering if anyone had any advice on how to handle it without making him feel guilty? We normally have a really good relationship so this is all very new to me. I don't want to visibly show I'm upset with him because I don't think that will help - I just want to figure out how to handle his behaviour knowing it's coming from grief/trauma and not him, if that makes any sense.

Sorry it's long and I hope it makes sense.

OP posts:
BeaRF75 · 20/04/2024 20:42

Concentrate on any practical stuff, paperwork etc where you can help. Give him LOTS of alone time. Don't insist that he has to talk about it - sometimes a stiff upper lip is absolutely what's needed. Just take your cues from him.

HesterPrincess · 20/04/2024 20:50

I lost my Dad last year and I'm still reeling a year on from it. It's the most horrific time, and there is no rhyme or reason to how your emotions swing from one thing to another in seconds.

Just bear with him - do what you can to make sure he's drinking enough, eat when he can and try not to take it personally. And any small tasks you can take on, do them.

coffeeisthebest · 22/04/2024 09:00

Take lots of deep breaths and also I wouldn't beat yourself up if you bark back at him from time to time. Yes he is in a difficult space but so are you currently.

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