My Mum died suddenly on 3rd April and while she had health conditions it was unexpected so there has to be a post mortem.
She died 3rd April, however, I have been told that she will not be returned to the funeral directors from the post mortem until 26th April. The funeral directors are saying that if she is returned on 26th the funeral will be the 15th May. This will be about 6 weeks from the date of death. I can't stop thinking of how much she will detoriate in the three weeks she is with the coroner as she will not be embalmed. Two of the grandchildren also have GCSE exams on the 15th and literally everyweek day until June. The thought of my mum being left for 6 weeks or longer really gives me anxiety. One of my children is doing his gcse's and we have discussed it and he said that his love for his grandmother is not based on whether he is there or not and that he would do something on a different day to mark her death and life so as not to delay proceedings. However, the other grandchild lives further away and really wants to be there which means we may have to delay until June.
For me, a three week post mortem is just another way in which our services are failing. It is bad enough that my mum has to be cut open and messed about with while slowly rotting in a fridge wearing just the nightwear she was taken in. Then to have to wait another 3 weeks or so for a service.
I am doing ok when at home in my safe cocoon but ventured out to the supermarket yesterday and nearly burst into tears when I realised i had forgotten a pound for the trolley. Then later on was driving my husbands car to take my son to a doctors appointment as he's been having asthma attacks since seeing us do CPR on my mum when we found her. I happened to pull away at traffic lights maybe a second longer than usual due to not being used to the car and a women started putting her hand on the horn all the way up the rode, even though there was a furniture truck in front of me so I couldn't go any faster, When she pulled off down a seperate road she flipped her middle finger at me. It really upset me but also made me feel rage I've not felt before. I can see how road rage happens. All my emotions seem to be more elevated. This woman would barely have bothered me before.
Just needed to let that out.
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Post mortem and funeral stress.
sleeptight1 · 13/04/2024 15:34
jay55 · 13/04/2024 15:45
It's really shit. Really really shit.
I'm sorry for your loss and sorry you're going through this.
Had the same when my mum died, postmortem required so we had to wait ages before we could even register the death and the time in limbo was excruciating.
She was dead but not legally and we just had to wait and wait.
Sending you all the good vibes to get through this time. Be kind to yourself.
Piscesmumma1978 · 16/04/2024 18:40
My dad died on Sunday and they’ve requested a postmortem. I’m expecting a long wait as they’ve said they’re busy.
i think I’ll wait to see him until he’s in the funeral home. Or would anyone suggest now before the PM?
It’s a horrible time isn’t it x
@sleeptight1
I am so sorry for your loss. Losing a loved one suddenly is a huge trauma and a lot to process. I hope now you have the PM results you have a bit of understanding why it happened and that gives you some peace.
It seems so cruel to have to wait to register the death. Especially when things seem so set up for a straight forward situation. Everyone we spoke to was so kind, I hope you have the same.
I’m sure you know, but the “tell it once” scheme is very useful when informing the government related agencies.
Look after yourself. 
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