To feel my mum has passed away all over again TW suicide.

[somewheretheresadino]

My mum died age 43 last September I was 21. She had a complex physical health issues and drug dependencies. A couple days ago I got told the initial results of the coroners that the cause of death is suicide whilst I knew she'd done something I also know coroners have to have a lot of evidence of intent to rule as suicide and not misadventure or something else.

I've been processing whilst ringing her mother my grandmother my brother and hers. It feels like delivering the news all over again. I'm autistic and those around me are saying I'm not trying my best now as I'm upset and I am. I want to scream and shout but I'm not. I don't fully know how to process it all and I'm hearing soon if they want to call witness.

I miss her but this is so complex. I'm feeling sad, angry and guilty could I have done anything ?

Hugs, this must be a really hard thing to have to process right now. Anyone would struggle with this news you are perfectly entitled to be upset.

Please seek help for how you are feeling, I was the same age as you when my mum died and even though the circumstances weren't as complicated I found it extremely difficult to come to terms with. I wish I had counciling sooner as it really helped.

Thanks. I've tired to talk to counseling but because I'm under mental heiath services they won't do anything and anything under mental health services is long

I'm sorry what? Family are saying you are not 'trying your best' because you are upset? Christ almighty. 21 is incredibly young to lose your mum I lost my mum last year and I'm 44 and it broke me.

I also really relate to the second wave of shock and horror really of getting the inquest result or coroner in my case. I found it really hard and actually I would rather have not know as my mum was an elderly lady and I knew it would be natural causes of some kind.

I found the info given to me was really clinical and cold.

Op I really feel for you. On top of everything having the cause of death laid bare will be just another hammer blow.

Moving forward if your family are like this all the time, you are an adult and you can distance yourself.

Waiting for mh support is rough it takes an absolute age. Your gp might prescribe something though don't be afraid to ask xxx