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Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters.

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters.

Bereavement

Absolutely Devastated

18 replies

dawngreen · 09/04/2024 16:12

My partner died in January, and we were cohabiting not married. It is bad enough that I had no say legally in the funeral arrangements. But I rang the funeral place to ask about flowers etc, and she told me the funeral had taken place the day before. His Uncle rang me to tell me a new date, and I wrote it down. I rang his dad to ask why they had lied to me, and he acted like I was wrong, and ended the call. If it was not a lie why did they not ring me on the day to ask where I was on that day?? I have a Niece who has bad mental health, and I felt bad if I did not tell her about my partners passing. Because we spent a lot of time with them. His farther banned her from the funeral so I asked her not to go to it. And I made it clear to them that I had.

OP posts:

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Zonder · 09/04/2024 16:23

I'm so sorry for your loss. Had you been together long? How awful that you weren't involved. Maybe you could do something yourself to make your partner's passing somehow?

Lugsugrvhhsgveh · 09/04/2024 16:27

That’s beyond mean not including you at the funeral. Your partner would have wanted you there. That is horrible and then to lie to you too. I’m so sorry you are going through this xxx

EnglishBluebell · 09/04/2024 16:32

This made my jaw drop. I'm so sorry. Do you know if he was buried? (Usually most crematoriums/cemeteries have a diary which lists what services they have each day and whether it will be a cremation or interment.

I'm so sorry for your loss

dawngreen · 09/04/2024 16:45

We lived together for 34 years. My partner was 54, and we were a disabled couple. When I rang the funeral place they always told me not much, except what his family had told them to say. It was a cremation. You would think that they would have wondered where I was if it was a mistake. I will pay a visit to the funeral home to ask how it went. All my family have passed except my niece who has autisim biopolar. And I don't see her these days she seems to rage if any one disagrees with her.

OP posts:

Mumoftwoboysaged4and5 · 09/04/2024 16:58

Just to say you need to get a solicitor immediately. You absolutely do have rights under the 1975 act. If you were financially dependent on your partner in any way, you should have a claim against his estate.

I’m sorry this doesn’t help with the funeral issue, which is appalling, but I want you to know that you do have rights to his estate, even if you’re not married.

dawngreen · 09/04/2024 17:01

I own the house, and both our names are on the deeds. We were not married but I will speak to a solicitor too.

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LIZS · 09/04/2024 17:03

But you do not own the house outright if his name was on the deeds. Hopefully you were joint tenants, otherwise his family may have a claim.

dawngreen · 09/04/2024 17:12

I will be finding a lawyer tomorrow. I just feel angry that I trusted them, and treated them like family.

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Zonder · 09/04/2024 17:48

dawngreen · 09/04/2024 16:45

We lived together for 34 years. My partner was 54, and we were a disabled couple. When I rang the funeral place they always told me not much, except what his family had told them to say. It was a cremation. You would think that they would have wondered where I was if it was a mistake. I will pay a visit to the funeral home to ask how it went. All my family have passed except my niece who has autisim biopolar. And I don't see her these days she seems to rage if any one disagrees with her.

My goodness this is even worse. Decades together and they swept you aside. I'm so sorry.

dawngreen · 09/04/2024 18:12

I wish that I never mentioned it to my niece, because they hate each other. And he refused to give money that went on drugs, and so she said he was a pedo. But even so you would think they would trust me to tell her not to go. And his uncle even said see you at the funeral. So I have no one except me to deal with this now.

OP posts:

Lugsugrvhhsgveh · 10/04/2024 07:31

I feel more angry for you seeing how long you have been together. I’m pleased that you have been given great advice to see a solicitor. You will have their help and you are doing a good thing by posting on Mumsnet where people can support you. Good luck today when you start making the calls to the solicitor xxx

BoudiccaOfSuburbia · 10/04/2024 07:48

OP I am so sorry you have lost your DP, what a terrible loss.

Did he have a Will?

The behaviour of his uncle and family has been despicable.

At least you had him for 34 years… they just got him for the day.

Talking to a lawyer is a very good idea.

CustardySergeant · 10/04/2024 13:05

I'm so sorry for your loss and the way you have been treated. That's dreadful.

I would've thought that you would be regarded as part of the family since you had been together for 34 years. What is the reason for their behaviour towards you? Do you know? Did you see them much?

dawngreen · 10/04/2024 14:40

I was upset after ringing the funeral place to ask about a few things, and she said bluntly that the funeral had taken place. And that was that did not want to speak more so ended the call. So I rang his dad, and asked why he lied to me. And he said he did not lie, he was ending the call. Today his uncle rang, and tried to say that I had got confused about the dates, and that I had wrote the wrong details down. I replied that I had wrote what he told me. I repeated the day and time to him at that time. And the only thing he could say was that he would no longer help me! We have not seen him for years then he turns up. And no one rang to ask where I was on the day which shows it was lies. My niece I mentioned wanted to to come to the funeral she has mental health issues. She is the only relation I have left, and felt I had to tell her about my partners passing. I got a call saying they did not want her there. So I told her not to go, and I told them that too. But they still excluded me too.

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Zonder · 10/04/2024 19:00

It's just so cruel. Do you have any friends who knew your partner and who you could do a little something with to mark his passing?

dawngreen · 10/04/2024 19:22

Most ppl he considered friends were friends he knew before his disability. And I never really saw them much except for a couple of times. Most were ex grammar school on their way to university.

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Piscesmumma1978 · 16/04/2024 18:44

The way my jaw dropped as well when I read that. That is absolutely disgusting behaviour and I’m so sorry.

I would do something special alone for him. Maybe go to your favourite place or just light a candle. He’ll know xx

ASeagulStoleMyIceCream · 16/04/2024 19:03

That is one of the cruelest things I have read on here. I’m so sorry.
34 years together is such a long time, that was unbelievable vindictive of them.
What were your partners family like towards you and your partner before he passed away? Were they always this vile towards you?

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