Dad

[IngletonRose]

My darling Dad is in his final days of life. He developed a rare heart infection back in January. The hospital thought they could operate but it became too serious and he became palliative.

I just never thought this day would come. He doesn't look like my Dad anymore, it is breaking my heart to pieces to see him like this.

I have a 9 month old daughter who he absolutely adores & I know she will always be a connection to him but I just truly don't know how I'm going to cope without him. The thought of having anymore children who wouldn't get to meet him overwhelms me. I am an only child.

We live next door to my parents so we are incredibly close. He's still technically here and already my heart is aching with pain at missing him. I've never felt pain like it before.

I just can't believe my wonderful, clever strong Dad has been reduced to this.

Please just tell me how to cope with this gut wrenching pain.

@Mammyloveswine Dad has been very agitated today, managing to move his hand to his tummy to signal he had pain. Grimicing and squeezing my hand so hard whilst clearly in distress. It just absolutely broke me. The district nursing team have been amazing and gave him some lovely happy cocktails to settle him.

I know he would absolutely hate to see how he's ended up, he was such an intelligent well turned out gentleman who's dignity is now none existent. Of course the carers are incredible with how they look after him.

I kissed him goodnight tonight and told him to set sail now, he loved boats. I wanted him to know he doesn't have to hold on for my sake.

Tonight I feel oddly calm. Mornings are awful, I open my eyes and everything hits me and I feel utterly overwhelmed.

Thank you for asking after us both, I really do appreciate it x

@IngletonRose that's made me smile and well up telling him to set sail...I hope you manage to get some sleep and rest tonight. 💕

The last couple of weeks of my Dads life were stressful, exhausting, the most emotional of my life but really, really beautiful. He got to say everything he needed to us and he truly seemed at peace at the end, even with leaving Mum. My only advice is to talk, hold him, laugh (I cannot recommend laughing enough, even if you don't feel like it), reminisce, love him and thank him. Even if you don't think he can hear you. Love to you all.

My Dad died last year, and I still miss him with every fibre of my being.

Thinking of you

Thinking of you @IngletonRose and your lovely dad. He is still very much all those wonderful things you describe. He is just in a body that no longer serves him. He will be okay wherever he goes next.

(Losing my mum has weirdly turned me into some sort of mystic meg - didn’t see that happening!- I hope what I’m saying is providing some love and reassurance and not being annoying to you. I know people have different beliefs. Sorry if I’m saying the wrong things).

Im so glad you found some solace in the nurses. I read one of their books and it was the first time I slept soundly in weeks when I did. But your nurses will be taking very good care of your dad. I think to do a job like that you have to be devoted to it and those you’re working for.

I know how awful it is to be in your situation and you find yourself wishing and thinking things you wouldn’t have dreamed of. And the mornings are so scary and I remember a certain level of peace when I was with my mum I felt I was almost watching over her. It’s going to be hard when it does happen but you’ll manage it, you might actually feel some peace. I’m glad you got your dad home and he gets to be in his home comforts. How lucky you are to have each other, there is obviously so much love there.

I am 30, my mum was 62 when she passed. I was absolutely not ready to lose my mum, as you probably aren’t with your dad but I don’t think you’re ever ready really. Sending you all who are losing and have lost someone so much love. And to your parents, I’m sure they’ll be watching over us x

Thank you everyone for all your truly lovely messages. I don't feel alone on this heartbreaking journey and in the moments where I do feel utterly overwhelmed I remember you're all here & have got through.

Dad's breathing has changed over night, into the rattle. I'm sat with him every step as I hope he passes into a place of peace, he certainly deserves it now.

Thinking of you and sending peace to your dad and family xx

I'm praying for a very peaceful end for your father.

My beautiful Dad set sail this morning with me holding his hand, right next to him. It was an absolute privilege to be there with him.
My heart just hurts SO much 💔

I’m so sorry for your loss 💐

Darling OP I know it hurts so much.
I'm glad you were with him.
I'm so sorry he's died but glad it was peaceful.

So sorry sweetheart, he will be surrounded by love and peace now💕

It’s absolutely shit but you’ll get through xx

Can't just read and run...your post brings back such strong memories of losing my dad, 7 years ago.

You were there for him, when it mattered. Do try to take some comfort in that.

And just be very gentle with yourself and your mum...you are both on a new journey - the grief road - and it will take some time to find your balance. Eventually there will be some, and some peace, I promise.

I am so, so sorry for your loss op

So sorry for your loss. I too was with my dad when he passed and it was very comforting to know he wasn’t in pain and surrounded by love.

I have found grief to be like an ocean, sometimes coming in rough waves where I feel like I’m drowning and other times a gentle ripple. Be kind to yourself and know everything you are feeling is normal.

I am so sorry. It hurts, then you’re numb, then it hurts again. You’ll be reeling and there’s so much to do at first. But eventually you have to try to focus on how lucky we were to have had such wonderful parents. And notice the mannerisms or sayings that we have that they gave us. They aren’t here anymore but they are also always here - in our hearts, heads, memories. Love like that can’t just disappear.

I’m so sorry for your loss. I know it hurts so much. You did an amazing thing being there with him. Imagine the comfort that brought him.
My thoughts are with you 💐

Thank you everyone for your truly lovely messages. They have brought me so much comfort.

I've spent today watching some old family videos to help me remember Dad as he was not as he's been in these past few weeks.

My heart hearts so so much but I know he's at peace and do feel as though he's still with me ❤️

I'm so sorry OP. It's really bloody shit. Literally no other words for it.

We did a really lovely montage of videos and photos to his favorite music for the funeral "afterparty". None of the music was depressing (but obviously made us all cry for different reasons) but we found it helpful at the time.

The way I came to peace with it is how lucky are those of us who have amazing Dads? I think about a lot. Sending you all love x

I'm so sorry for your loss of your lovely Dad. I lost mine 2 months ago in horrible circumstances.
Today I can look back past that time to my childhood and adulthood and be grateful to have had such a man as my father.
You will get through this but you need to allow yourself time to grieve, in whatever form that is for you.
Thinking of you.