DS birthday last Monday...

[JellyNump]

...I feel a bit bad that I didn't go to visit his grave on his birthday, but everytime I go there I don't feel any closer to him. I don't think he would have minded that I did't go to visit him but I don't want him to think i've just forgotten him, as I could never do that. He would have been 3. (died at 9 weeks)

you dont need to go to a grave to remember him. He is in your heart. He will always will be. So sorry for your loss

entirely different I know, but since burying my parents far too soon, I have never returned to the grave. I find the cemetery a cold and unwelcoming place and do not feel the need to go there. Can remember them anytime & all the time. I don't think loved ones ever leave you. Do whats right for you.

The cemetary he's in is actually quite nice, its kept really tidy and there are actually strict rules on what sort of stones you can have, so it does look nice, its just its March so not really that warm, and my parents and i took my dd out for the day, which we might have done with ds if he'd been with us. I feel him more 'with me' than whhen I go up to the cemetary, but it is nice to visit now and then...thanks, feeling a bit better

jellynump - this is a different situation i know but my mum in law died 12 years go for the longest time my dh made 3-4 trips a week to her grave it was bedecked in flowers he polished the stone and arranged the gravel.

After a while i felt i had to tell him he wasnt visiting his mum his mum ws with him every day every time he spoke about her or thought about her she was there,in choosing to 'remember' her with this pilgrimge of obsession he wasnt sharing our remembering and so we decided that yes we would visit her grave keep it tidy and nice it doesnt have to be the brightest in the cemetary shes not sitting up there counting flowerbuds on her graveside ...and at home in a corner of our v tiny garden we have a rockery with a china cherub and some little cuttings of flowers from her garden and that is nannys spot,the children have put stuff there too a tiny hedgehog and a fairy on a stick.

inside we keep his mums pic on the fireplace along with whatevers seasonal flowerwise,she is in our lives daily her grave is merely a bookmark to remind us .........hugs for u ((u))

I don't always get to my DSs grave on his birthday but, like you, I do something to remember the day. I pretty much always bake a birthday cake and take my other kids out if it is a non-school day.

I do like to go to the cemetery and to make sure his grave looks nice and cared for as some of the graves are never visited and look so sad (not necessarily babies graves) but it is not always possible as it is a long way from where I live.

I agree, your DS is in yoru thoughts all the time (((hugs)))

Well we (my parents and I - i'm divorced) took DD tothe Welsh life museum as we're in Bristol so its only over the bridge. She really enjoyed it, so I' sure he would have liked it too.