Mum died

[Emeraldrings]

I lost my mum this morning at 3am. She was ill and I know she's not in pain now but I feel broken. I can't even cry.
I phoned work but now my manager wants to know if I'll be back tomorrow. I can't even speak to her.
I lost my dad just before Christmas (unexpected) and was just starting to feel a bit more normal but now my mum has gone I feel lost.
I have a DH and children but I can't cope. I made DH tell the children. My eldest keeps crying but can only hug her.
How the fuck do you get over losing your mum

[bellinisurge]

I'm so sorry. It's horrible. Utterly horrible. You react however feels right to you.

[whatsitcalledwhen]

Oh my love. I can't even imagine what you're going through, it's a day that terrifies me.

Grief is horrific but while you never, ever feel less hurt, you will make space around the grief for the rest of your life to continue.

Lean on your DH. If you don't have words, keep cuddling your DC.

Your boss is being insensitive. Message saying you won't be in tomorrow. Compassionate leave is 3-5 days and if you feel unable to cope with returning after that, consider speaking to your GP.

I would personally write this week off now so your manager doesn't bother you every day and you can focus on yourself and your family this week.

I wish I could say something more useful but in the absence of that, I'm sending lots of love

[familydilema]

So sorry for your loss. My mum died at the end of last year. At first I felt relieved as she wasn't suffering and then the grieving begins and it hit me like a punch in the stomach. Take time and if you need to get signed off from work see your GP. Don't expect too much of yourself -I was so tired for a good few months. Try and eat nice food and get out in the fresh air.

[Notquitegrownup2]

I am so sorry for your loss. Losing a second parent so soon is really really tough and you need to look after yourself. One hour, one day at a time. And yes, cuddle your dcs all that you (or they) want.

IME, you never really get over losing a mum - in fact, IME you don't really ever lose your Mum. They are such a big part of who you are, You will miss her enormously and think of her often, but you will value what she taught you, understand her better as time goes on and appreciate her more than ever. In the meantime, let yourself grieve. Email your manager to say no, you won't be in tomorrow, and confirm what compassionate leave your company offers. Then book yourself a gps appointment to be signed off for at least a week. No gp will question this.

Thinking of you.

[PatMu]

I'm so sorry for your loss. My dad died a month ago and I'm still reeling. I've never been through grief before so it's so hard to navigate.
Your boss is being horribly insensitive and so lacking in empathy. I have not been back to work after my dad yet and no one has asked me once when I will return. I would definitely go to your GP and get signed off for as long as you need.
Take care it's so hard

[cerisepanther73]

@Emeraldrings

I would say to your boss you want compassionate leave break at least or temporay sick leave ,


Your manager asking if you are going to be in work next day after your mum dying


What a insensitive prick!😒

[WhizzWoman]

I am so sorry for your loss 💐
I don't think you can get over the loss of your Mum. My MIL is 102 and lost her Mum 60 years ago and she still talks about her and misses her.
You just have to muddle along for now. You don't know how you will feel and how you will cope s there is no point trying. It's possible you will feel better than you think but it's also possible this will floor you for a long time. Everyone is different and there is no right way to do it.

[bellinisurge]

Your boss is a total prick, by the way.

[chocolatelover91]

I am so sorry for your loss OP. I honestly cannot imagine how you are feeling. Sending lots of love to you 💐❤️❤️

[trampoline123]

Really sorry for your loss 💐

I haven't been through this but as others said tell your work I won't be in this week so at least you don't have the pressure of them messaging. If they do say you'd appreciate some privacy at this time and would like to not be contacted. If you still don't feel up to it next week ask your GP to sign you off.

[NellyCortado]

I'm so sorry ❤️. What an incredibly sad and difficult time.
Regarding work - absolutely what @trampoline123 said.

[doubleshotcappuccino]

I'm so sorry for your loss - we lost a parent last year and I can't even imagine how your boss thinks you would be in tom

[MargeretIntheWood]

I'm so sorry, OP. My darling mum died two years, four months and 7 days ago. I think of her every day and every day I cry. Yes, I have all the good memories and I still talk to her and hear her voice, and I'm grateful for all that, but of course it's not the same as having her here. I know that she's gone forever and I will never see her again, and my heart is broken and just won't heal.

[Emeraldrings]

I went back to work today. I wasn't really ready to but am only entitled to 3 days leave.
I asked manager for next Wednesday off for my mum's memorial service. She wasn't happy and asked if I could at least work part of the day and it would be unpaid as I'd used up my bereavement leave.
I was so shell shocked that I stupidly said I could work until 11 if they needed me too ( really regret it now). She has never said anything to me about my mum. Deputy and other colleagues have been sympathetic but I couldn't believe it when she said she wanted me to work. And hinted I might not get the time off, although I made it clear I will be leaving at 11
I left work and cried for an hour.

[auntyElle]

I'm so sorry, @Emeraldrings. What an appalling manager.

I'd suggest you call in sick, if that won't affect you too badly financially. Taking time now to rest and just get over the shock is so important.

[trampoline123]

They don't sound like a great company to work for and what an awful manager.

I'm really sorry.

What's the sick policy like? I'd ask the go to sign me off and look for a new job, they sound horrendous.

[Brabican]

Your mother is such an important and fundamental part of who you are. The relationship, even if difficult, is recognised everywhere as one of the primary relationships you will ever have. Most people understand this. I am sorry your manager does not recognise this.
I hate the fact that some of the biggest insults we hurl at each other involve our mothers. Think about mother cussing, 'your mum' and the perennial favourite on MN, 'Mummy's boy'. It is such an important relationship and the OP has a right to her grief.

[clarepetal]

Your manager is a c*. Go to the doctors and get signed off, am sorry for your loss.

[Mammyloveswine]

I am so sorry.. get yourself signed off sick and don't even think about work! How callous of your manager!

Please please allow yourself time to grieve.

I lost my mam Christmas 22 and it still just sweeps me away sometimes.

Be kind to yourself and take each day as it comes.

[Mammyloveswine]

I posted before your update!!! Fuck me! Please go to hr/the ceo about this!!! This is the most disgusting example of management I've ever heard of!

I'm so so sorry!

[FiveShelties]

Your manager is awful. I lost my Mum in May 2023 and it is bloody tough.

Go to your GP and get signed off - make sure you take enough time. Look after yourself and 💐for you.