Dad died 4 weeks before my due date

[Jessie2024]

I think I’m just looking for some advice on how to deal with bereavement during pregnancy and early motherhood. I’m 36 weeks pregnant with my first baby, and my dad died last week. Overall I’m doing okay - actually more okay than I feel like I should be. I’m 22, I have a job, and I’m also in the final couple of weeks of my university degree. It seems like my mind is pushing my dad’s death aside so it can focus on preparing for a baby and finishing my studies. But I’m worried that the grief will all hit at once at some point just before I’m due, or during postpartum, and I’m scared that it’ll impact how much I enjoy motherhood. Currently, I feel so excited to meet my daughter, even whilst missing my dad and wishing he stuck around longer to meet her. I don’t feel too bad right now, but I’m so cautious that I’ll suddenly be hit by the grief, because of how my mind is pushing it aside instead of letting myself grieve. Can someone advise me on what I can do to minimise the impact on my mental health? I really hope that this is just how I deal with grief, and it’ll never fully hit me, but I don’t want it all piling up on me when I’m becoming a first time mother.
Thank you!

So sorry to hear this OP. To lose a parent when you are so young and expecting is even harder.

I lost my mum In December, 2 days before my big birthday. I spent the afternoon of my birthday at the funeral home planning her funeral.

It was then the funeral, Christmas and back to work and so I too found grief had been pushed aside as other things are going on. I do have my moments and I feel she is still around in an odd way (I am in no way spiritual) but just this morning my son and I were talking about Nannie when he spotted a small while feather on my bed. We associate rainbows with her too.

My only advice is to go with the flow of how you are feeling. If you start to struggle, seek help. Enjoy your precious daughter when she arrives and talk about your dad to her.

You’ll find your way through x

This thread is very supportive and helpful too.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/bereavement/4932881-for-anyone-needing-support-after-losing-a-parent-very-supportive-thread-november-2023?page=4&reply=131865166

How did your dad die? @Jessie2024

@UpUpUpU thank you so much! I’m sorry for your loss too, however it’s comforting to hear other people have had similar experiences. My birthday was actually the day before my dad’s funeral, he died the week before my birthday, so I absolutely understand how you felt when it happened to you too. I’ll just take each day as it comes, and I’ll seek help if I need it 💗

@fourelementary
he had cancer, he was diagnosed in 2022 and died a year and a half later.

I’m not sure that is an appropriate thing to ask!

Don’t answer that if you don’t want to @Jessie2024

@UpUpUpU you’re the kindest, thank you ❤️

I think people assume the death is easier to take when it was expected but it’s still a massive shock.

There will always be things that will bother you. My mum was due to meet my new boyfriend (of 2 years! 😂) at my birthday celebration but she never got that far. She too had cancer but died unexpectedly of a heart attack. So that makes me sad, but then so think of all the fabulous things she has seen and it makes me smile 😊

I'm sorry about your dad. This happened to my mum when she was pregnant with me. He died in September (murdered) and I was born in November (was her first child). She said I was born with grey hairs from the stress. My mum is an excellent mum but even now I don't think she has made peace with what happened and for my formative years there was always a sad cloud over us, especially when she drank alcohol as she always cried and talked about her dad. I was quite a somber / introverted child and I wonder if I was like that because of my environment? I guess what I'm saying is try to find a healthy way to deal with the grief. You have no time to yourself when you have babies maybe do some grief counselling now before baby arrives.

I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. 💐My mum died two weeks before my due date and it was difficult.

I think I just pushed it all down, however, I think the grief did affect my physical labour. I had a hugely lengthy labour and had great trouble breastfeeding. Obviously this might have happened anyway but studies show that grief really doesn't help.

So my advice is to speak with someone, your midwife, a Counsellor or similar. My hospital had a bereavement midwife who was quite helpful.

I'm now 5 years on and I have dealt with that grief. My DD knows about her Nana and asks about what she was like, we look at photos together which is lovely.

I was in your shoes. I had terrible PND with my second child's birth from un dealt with trauma. Don't push it all down. Get counselling for when baby is a few months old or six months plus once your hormones settle.

I also developed pre eclampsia as I was doing my masters. So really, really take care of yourself. Don't miss out on sleep or push on. Go to your check ups.

Your mind wants to go into protection mode and autopilot. That's fine right now, but it's not really a protective bubble that will make you invincible.

Hi looking for help I really don't know what to do my adult daughter suffers OCD / severe anxiety disorder . She stopped reaching out to health professionals. She has no trust in the system has she has been severely let down in the past . Locum GP sexually assaulted her has well has another female patient in another county . So her health has plummeted since the lockdown .she found out she was expecting third child last year . To cut a.long story short .she awoke to discover baby passed away at two weeks old . Since then she has started to drink alcohol every day . She didn't leave house dosnt open curtains and has take out meals she has two boys who are clean and cared for by husband . But I can't get near her to help if I try to she has a complete meltdown it's like she dosnt want anything to change and is angry with the world we used to be so close .she looks awful she is pale her bones hurt she has no energy and no interest she wont go to Gp she has this paranoid way of thinking and I really don't know what to do I really think if this goes on much longer I will end up loosing her also I'm desperate for any advice .