struggling after a miscarriage and toxic relationship

[DK7]

Hey all,

I'm writing this post as I am really struggling.

Six months ago I had a miscarriage. Anyone who has experienced the loss of a much wanted pregnancy will know how painful this loss is. However my experience has been made even more painful by the fact that the father returned to his previous relationship.

The situation is complex so I will need to provide some background. I have four grown up children with my childhood sweetheart, we were together for 20 plus years.
A year or so ago he left me & started a new relationship. This was an extremely painful time as we had so many plans for the future (marriage/ another child once we had finished our degrees). I struggled with the end of the relationship and had to accept that the child we had planned was unlikely to happen for me as I was approaching 38 years old. |It was a really difficult time however I managed to continue with my degree and graduate.

A year after he left me we ended up seeing each other briefly, I fell pregnant which I was so happy about but sadly I lost the baby, shortly after the miscarriage I found out through one of my children that he was back in a relationship with the woman he had left me for. This explained why he did not support me after the miscarriage.

Since then I have had to watch him move on in his new relationship whilst I am completely broken.

I wonder when I will ever feel better or be happy again.

How old are your grown up children?

I'm so sorry your ex turned out to be so awful.

I think you need to focus on your kids and your degree. This sounds like a horribly unhealthy relationship for you and your kids.

I want to offer you a lot of sympathy. 💐

However I think you need to treat your grief over the relationship as an illness that you need to get over rather than a loss to be mourned or a kind of permanent widowhood.

You were with this person since you were eighteen. That is a long time. But he has moved on and is experiencing a new life—you should too. Stop trying to recreate the old one: having sex with him and getting pregnant was an attempt to get back to the beginning of the relationship. But the river of time flows in only one direction. You can’t go backwards.

You feel old but you are really young. If being with someone is important to you there is lots of time for a new relationship. Concentrate for now on discovering the you that stopped existing at 18 when you started being a couple and a parent.