Unexpected and sudden loss

[BasinHaircut]

FIL passed away yesterday.

he wasn’t v old - late 60s and he wasn’t in ill health. Totally unexpected.

We are all in shock and I feel like I’m struggling to deal with this.

Just looking for anyone who has experienced similar TBH. Can you offer any advice?

I'm sorry for your loss, and your family.
I don't have advice but wanted to respond to your post

I was in a similar situation exactly 2 years ago, my mum died suddenly and unexpectedly.

I believe now that I was in shock for a good while - literally going through the motions for weeks and weeks, like a robot looking after the kids, sorting the funeral.

I'm very practical and was able to Get Stuff Done that needed to be done, and it took months until that rush of 'my mum died' actually hit me properly.

Take care op - eat, drink, rest. Accept support.

My mum.died suddenly and unexpectedly last year. She was older but still, it's hard to accept. Hugs

Sorry for your loss. The shock must be terrible for you and your partner.
The only consolation is that it wasn’t a long, drawn out experience for your FIL I suppose. Better for him but very hard for those left behind.
I hope you can find comfort in good memories and support from family and friends. Give yourself time to come to terms with the shock, one day at a time. All the best.

My MIL died very suddenly at 52. DH was 25 at the time. It was 2 months before we got married. That was nearly 15 years ago now. It's hard. Time makes it feel less intense but it still just creeps up on you at times. For the moment, you take it day by day.

Yes, 11 eleven years ago my FIL died suddenly. He was 71 with only minor health issues. He was fine one day, the next he complained of feeling slightly ill but then died in the evening. Luckily he was very organised so dealing with paperwork and funeral was easy. I think MIL, DH and BIL were all just in shock for weeks. It was difficult for me and BIL's wife as we were not as affected but it was still a loss for us too and we had to just support our loved ones.

MIL stayed with us for 6 weeks afterwards as she couldn't face being alone. It didn't really hit DH for about 6 months and then he had a sort of breakdown (he has always been prone to anxiety though). I had to keep reminding myself that he had lost his father for so long. It seemed to hit him again when we had our DS close to the third anniversary of his Dad's death. So keep an eye on your partner as it may not be a straight road in terms of grief.

It will be a long time before anything feels normal again for those closest. I am lucky in that my MIL is lovely so I was happy to support her but I know these things are not always straightforward. It is fine to keep your boundaries around what you are prepared to do. I did send her home after 6 weeks as I really couldn't manage any longer having her here.

You don't mention children so might not be relevant. BIL's kids were only small so it was tough explaining why they had seen Grandad one day in the park playing and then he didn't exist the next day. At the same time they needed to have their normal routines which just felt weird but had to be done.

Look after yourself as well - you can't pour from an empty cup.

Much worse when unexpected.
My brother died a year ago totally unexpected.
I can only describe it as felt like I'd been hit by a train. Literally knocked me for six.
I had to leave my job.
Even now I can't hate too much thinking time. I don't like to be alone and given a chance to think about stuff.
The pain is still very raw and I still cry a lot, I basically drank herbal tea each night to help me deal with the shock.
I couldn't eat or sleep.
I know what you're going through.
I live day to day now

The shock from a sudden death lasts a good few weeks. Often feels harder if kind of undramatic. Eg went outside for a smoke on New Years Day, half an hour later…. Where are they? Pop outside to see… slumped dead on the floor. Probably quite a quick painless death for the passer but not so much for the grievers.

Thanks all, feel slightly less in a daze today. Spent the past 2 days walking around like a zombie.

its still completely unreal, I know he is gone, but my brain will not accept it as reality. That might sound mad but don’t know how else to explain it.

I have not cried once. I have only cried when I told DS and he cried.

I can see how difficult the road ahead is for MIL, DH, and FIL’s other children, and understand how traumatic and upsetting it all is/will be, but I am almost feeling no emotion.

He was a great and lovely man and we got on really well so it is not like I don’t care, but it almost feels like I don’t care given I am feeling almost nothing.

My mum passed suddenly three months ago and unfortunately i found her in her home.
I miss her so bad but I function during the day as i have young children.
I haven't slept through the night in three months as i can't get the image out of my mind and i have nightmares 😢.
I just feel so lost.
I'm hoping as time goes on i will finally feel more like me but at the moment I'm on autopilot.
I'm sending you big hugs and sorry for your loss OP X

My DM was killed in a non fault car accident at 69. Here one day, gone the next. I'd already lost my DF when he was 54 some years earlier.
Me and DB had to arrange her funeral, wind up the estate and sell the family home of over 50 years completely out the blue whilst trying to raise two DC.
Worst time of my life, but it does get easier.
She'd have been absolutely furious at how things turned out!