Can’t continue like this- sudden and unexpected death ***MNHQ adding content warning for graphic description***

[Purpleshadows]

Just the title, really. Why is this so bloody hard nearly 6 months on? Really appreciate what everyone on here is going through, and my thoughts are with you all.

All I think about everyday is the awful smell of the funeral home and being confronted with a sunken, stiff and yellow corpse in the chapel of rest. Was told by others that the above would make the grieving process easier, instead it has done the opposite and given me dreadful PTSD……. Was made 100% worse by the fact that I was in England, thousands of miles from home in Australia. A completely unexpected death in someone young too (heart attack), with absolutely no cardiac issues. Cannot stop thinking about the what if’s- guilt and trauma are driving me crazy. Can’t go past the funeral home or crematorium as I’ll start to panic. Started to get a whiff of the funeral home when I was at a florist recently (something to do with flowers, perhaps?) and it threw me into a state of despair.

Not sure why I’m posting this, but hoping others might be able to share some pearls of wisdom? When the hell will I start to feel normal again?!

Lillies are used on purpose as they smell strongly and have similar fragrance 'notes' to that of decaying bodies so have been commonly used in funerals and death rites as well as funeral homes to best disguise the actual smell.

Weird things can be associated in trauma responses. I had PTSD from a hospital stay and for nearly a year was triggered by the colour that the curtains round my bed had been. EMDR made an almost instantaneous difference for me. With longer-running traumas (ie not just the one instance) I believe it can take longer, but I imagine it would be helpful quickly for you under these circumstances?