Gift for 70 yrs mum who has lost adult child

[Daysie]

So an older relative has had her adult child (with kids and grandkids) pass away- not expected. (Also my relative).

Obviously she is heartbroken.

The funeral date was sent out yesterday and I have work commitments which mean I cannot attend. (I'm not talking just a meeting but a professional meeting impacting on the outcome of a child's future.)

I am wanting to give this lady a little something for her to know I'll be thinking of her and I care.

Any ideas?

maybe a donation to charity in the name of the lost loved one? Something related to them?

I'm very sorry for your loss. What a shock for all of you.

I would have said flowers, but when my Dad died my Mum got so many flowers that every vase she had was pressed into service, and some other vessels that weren't designed as vases.

Maybe take her a cake or biscuits, or a meal that she can easily heat up? She may be having a lot of visitors and would appreciate something to offer them. And she may be struggling to do normal everyday things like shop, cook or even eat if it would involve fuss.

I'd be tempted to say flowers. It isn't the time for giving something unique to demonstrate the kind of thoughtful choosing that we enjoy at other times. She may not be in the kind of headspace where she can manage the social pressure to display attentive gratitude for something conspicuously well chosen.

Convention is a balm at these times. The well-worn, unoriginal phrases and rituals minimise the need for thought and social competance when your head is broken and fractured and numb.

flowers is a terrible thing to give - I hate them

I'd only give someone flowers (in any circumstances) if I knew they liked them. My Mum does love them, but as mentioned above she got a lot when my Dad died - too many, really. She was particularly appreciative of the thoughtful person who gave her a plant (flowering orchid, I think) in a nice pot rather than yet another bunch of flowers. Having said that, dealing with the flowers gave us something neutral to do and talk about in those difficult days between death and funeral!

Give it a week and go around for a cuppa and just listen. That is the best gift you could give her. She will likely be in shock and trying to take in the enormity of what has happened.

If it were me I'd appreciate a rose for my garden