Brother - eulogy for someone dying young

[TheRealMBJ]

DB (42) is now at the end of life after battling a neuroendocrine tumour for over 15 years. We were very close growing up but have grown apart massively in the last 20years.

His illness has led to disability and he has been living with my parents for 10years.

They live abroad and I have not been able to help much. I am now travelling to be with them all, hopefully getting there before he dies but am hoping to be some practical use to my parents while they dealing with saying goodbye.

I am expecting to be asked to speak at the funeral. Any advice, tips, (non cheesy) poetry recommendations would be a huge help.

Hi @TheRealMBJ , I'm very sorry about your brother, and hope that you can be there before he dies and that he is as comfortable as possible.

My brother died last year, also young. I decided not to focus the eulogy on his life from birth to death; instead, I chose to focus on one small story and use it to point out what made him interesting and fun to be around. He died accidentally, and shortly after texting me about how he had a great day - so I told everyone what he told me about his last day. I added in little comments and jokes about how the things he did or told me about that highlighted aspects of his character. It went over very well with friends and family.

Also, I found it surprisingly easy to deliver the eulogy, because it was focused on positive things about my brother's life. I can't really talk about his death or my feelings about his death without crying, but it was no problem to talk about his life.

So, I wonder if you could tell a story about a happy memory with your brother when you were younger, and use it to point out some interesting and positive things about him? In particular, if it's a story that friends and family haven't heard before (or haven't heard in a long time), I think they would appreciate hearing it. Hearing new or long-forgotten stories about a loved one can be very comforting.

Also, I would recommend that you (and anyone else speaking) show the eulogy to your parents in advance, so that they know what you will say ahead of time, and so that they can give their approval or ask you to remove certain parts if needed. It's so hard on parents for their child to die before them, and to make it through the funeral, so ideally there should be no surprises for them.

Thank you @Catdemons . That is great advice.

You don't have to speak yourself though - the celebrant will likely be very good at talking to you about your brother and will be able to distil that into something appropriate, that you get final sign off on.

So you don't necessarily have the sole pressure of doing this yourself.

So sorry about your brother. Look after yourself.

My sister and I wrote a eulogy for my brother's funeral (my sister delivered it). We wrote it as if we were speaking directly to him. We started out just talking to each other about our best memories of him; what made him special; what were his best qualities; and wrote those all down so that made the actual writing a lot easier. Is there someone you can talk to like this?

Thank you. He died on the 8th and the service was on the 15th.

Sorry for your loss op 😔