Anyone up who can tell me what to expect in the morning? Social workers, anyone who knows what happens when a kid loses their parent

[HerrenaHarridan]

I have brought my friends son home tonight as the police said that was ok, Ive been given a number to call to speak to social services tomorrow, anyone have any idea what i can expect in the morning?

full details he is eu national with settled status in scotland. His mum fled here from dv to them both leading to hospital admissions which the father was prosecuted for. Grand mother in country of origin.
He is 12, at school and has asked repeatedly,asked to be reassured that he will get to go back to his school which is unfortunately miles away from me in a different district but we will make it work short term at least to keep some semblance of normalcy to his life.

I guess my questions are what to expect in the morning, will i have to give him up to social services or will he be allowed to stay here if he chooses too? At least in the short term? We are not related but i can prove ive known him for ten years and spent several christmases together, has had regular overnights wwith me and my mum and calls her granny

It doesnt look suspicious but because shes so young they are treating it as suspect

I'm pretty sure that if you're happy to look after him and the boy agrees then he can stay with you

He definitely would choose to stay with me and my daughter and at 12 he is old enough the be taken seriously id hope?

Well him staying with you benefits SS so I don't see why not. There's a massive shortage of foster carers as well.

Thank you for answering, its a horrible storm outside and in

The bigger issue though is are you actually wanting to have him permanently. if not it might be difficult to give him up. He will be low priority.

I really hope so, i cant bear to think of him being left with strangers, he is so reserved and just been through so much,

He can stay, that is not an issue, luckily i have a room, the school thing will be logistically problematic but in the short term i can get him back and forward to school for a while

Does mum have any other family? Where is dad? Where are his relatives? Whose parent is the grandma you mention?

Short term will probably be OK with you. Long term might depend on the above.

dad is in home country as far as we know. no contact since he hospitalised him as a baby. definitely worried about what might happen when he finds out.

Granny also in home country, minimal contact but he does know who she is and has been to her house. There is a brother but i think he has only met him once

No one in this country but us and some colleagues

grandma is mums mum

Sending hugs.
I've no real clue what S/S will do. They obviously have a duty of care to the boy. That might mean having him go to family but not sure how that will work if they are overseas.
Does he have contact with his mum's mum or uncle?

Are you happy to have him permanently?
If so make sure you get the same money as a regular foster carer, not a kinship carer.

School ask social Work if they can fund taxis but they might say no. That's one of the reasons "looked after" children have poor outcomes they get moved school constantly.

Speak with his school too.
How viable is it for you to have 2 children at different schools?
I'm guessing both kids are 1st year. Is it possible to move him school but I'd keep him st his existing school until you know the long term plans

Any language barriers- ie does he have any other language?

@HerrenaHarridan just wanted to add my condolences for the loss of your friend. You sound like a lovely person and the lad is lucky to have someone to advocate for him. Having watched a chap who works for me go through something similar, I’d say be prepare for the inevitable hoop- jumping and try and keep calm when the process gets frustrating (it will). I think the thing my chap found the most difficult was SS expecting him to be able to take their calls at all times of the day but they seemed only available when they decided they were… Try and make a list of questions you want to ask SS on your phone to keep yourself occupied now, and try and gather any info you have about his status so that your initial meetings with SS are based on fact rather than SS making assumptions.

wishing you all the best for later. What an awful situation for the child.

Condolences for the loss of your friend , this is a very tragic situation. I have worked in similar similar situations through my job. Short term he will probably stay with you but long term SS will need to ensure someone has PR for him , this will involve seeking out and contacting his father. This doesn’t necessarily mean he will be sent to him but he will have to be contacted .
it’s entirely plausible you could apply for a special guardianship order.

Your OP isn’t very clear in terms of how this happened, i.e. did the mum take her own life or was there a 3rd party involved? How did you become involved enough to the extent that you were the one in contact with the police?

This is relevant because if a 3rd party was involved then the boy could possibly still be at risk, and if this is the case then having him with you could put you and your family at risk. Is this something you’re prepared for?

Also he is going to be traumatised, and that will inevitably lead to behavioural issues which as a teen might be harder to deal with. Are you genuinely prepared for all that involves and also the impact that could have on your own family.

I think knowing a child essentially as one of your own family is certainly going to make you want to take them in and bring them up as your own. But it’s important that you go into this with your eyes open and with your own family in mind as well.

I am so sorry for yours and this young boys loss 💐

Do you happen to know if your friend left a will? I only ask because it's recommended to put guardianship of minor children in a will, although I'm not sure if it's the same in Scotland as it is in England where I reside.

I hope it works out for the best for you all x

You’d really hope at 12yo his wishes would be taken into account. You sound lovely OP, I hope it works out and I’m sorry about your friend.

Oh my goodness I hope you can look after him bless you sound absolutely lovely and he would be so lucky if he could stay. Good on you

Sis I try for the loss of your friends. I have no direct experience but I hope that aged 12, SS would listen to his wishes

Stop being a ghoul. OP said it doesn't look suspicious.

Good luck OP, what a horrendous situation for the poor kid 😞

Hope you manage to get guardianship and what a lovely person you are to do this for your friend.

You may need to fight for it but don’t give up if you know it’s best.

Winstons Wish are good at supporting young people after a traumatic bereavement.

You need to push re finance

Will you get the same amount as a foster carer

Do not be shy asking about any and all benefits you are entitled to to look after him

You need to buy him clothes, food, after school activities pay for him to go to his current school etc

I am so sorry you lost your friend.

💐

I know some fostered children get taxis to school and I wonder whether that would be possible. (social services pay)

I'm not sure why school would be pushing like that. It's a desperate situation and it's obvious the poor boy's life is going to change. Why are they putting pressure on anyone to send him to school under the circumstances?

He has already asked if he can go back to his school and i promised we will make it happen in the short term but that i cant make any promises long term except that he is always welcome. The police gave me the wrong number for social work so Im scrabbling round trying to figure out who we talk too.

I can't remeber all the questions but im involved because he called us before 999 and i went straight to him and waited with him while the police did their thing

@HerrenaHarridan how did you get on today?

How tragic for all involved, I hope you all get the support you need.