Struggling after the funeral

[Lollywillowes]

We had my mums funeral last week. I've felt empty and miserable ever since. I've got nothing to focus on and I've got no inclination to really focus on anything in my own life, kids excluded. It just feels like there is this sadness over everything. I don't think I'll feel lighthearted or confident again.

Is this normal? I'm doing the things people say to do: rest, eat, exercise. I get very tired quickly and feel irritable and stressed in public busy places.

I want to feel myself again and I'm worried I never will.

Completely normal. Up to the funeral there’s a clear focus, after it’s a blurry haze. Just get through each day and maybe try to arrange something to look forward to - a theatre trip, gig, weekend away. Grief comes in waves too. Sorry for you loss op.

Grief is a process but one we all experience differently. You’ve lost someone fundamental to your life and you shouldn’t expect to bounce back. Give yourself time but you could also call Cruse
https://www.cruse.org.uk/
I’m very sorry for your loss. X

I totally agree with previous person. Grief is like a wave..one day u are getting a toe wet them another day it comes crashing into.u. Try not to.put pressure on urself to feel.in a particular way. Just allow yourself to.feel .how u feel. Your feelings are valid. I.have done a lot of reading on this due to.my.own bereavement. Grief is something you learn to.live alongside over time. Sending u my.best wishes OP

Op I'm so so sorry for your loss. It takes time to heal/get used to the loss. Sending you the biggest virtual hug x

Thank you - it's very validating to hear this is normal. It's just scary feeling this out of control and, I hate to say it, weak.
I don't feel robust to deal with daily life.

@BCBird can you recommend any books?

I felt so tired when my Dad died OP, I could barely muster any energy. I hadn't expected grief to feel so physical, I don't know if that makes sense. I had no choice really but to try and do what I could and then incorporate a load of rest into my day, I went to bed early, I just tried to do what I could. It was a difficult time but you will move through it, I found it easier just to go with it though and remember that it will be different for everyone so not to really expect anyone to understand. I had counselling too which helped to have someone who would just accept me as I was with no expectations in any direction. Take care of yourself.

Oh gosh OP this is so so so normal. I felt a before and after with my gran's funeral (which took place 5 weeks after her death due to various reasons.
Before I was coping well, after I flitted between numb and sobbing, I had chronic insomnia, couldn't concentrate on anything, I lost over a stone (I was skinny to begin with - just felt like I had a load of sand in my stomach). The lovely lady vicar who took gran's funeral was my saving grace. She chatted to me on Zoom a couple of times a week, on good days and bad, let me cry, let me be angry, talked about herself to make me laugh. Give yourself time, there are no rules to this. And PM me if you need any support, you would have it in abundance, I understand you.

@Mariposistaaa thank you. I'm still around here looking for common experience.
I totally relate to the numbness and not concentrating. I can only explain it as I feel like I've changed because of this, but I don't know how I've changed - who am I now? And I don't really feel enjoyment in things the way I used to. At night is the worst. I feel so alone.
I feel like I'm in a fog sorting through her stuff and have no idea what I want to keep and why. There's such a clear sense of her life and a certain time in her letters and writing... but it's almost too much.

I find it so weird that someone can die and be gone and yet all their stuff - the stuff of their life - remains.

And in sorting through it, I feel like I know her so much better than when she was alive.