Visiting a dying relative.

[Littleeluv]

I hope this is ok to post here. I’m not sure where is best to post but need advice

I am going to visit a dying relative over the weekend. I haven’t seen her for a while and she is terminally ill with likely only a couple weeks left of life.

I have no experience with this and I’m feeling quite apprehensive. I’ve been told it’s a real shock how much she has deteriorated.

I was wondering if anybody could please offer some kind words as I don’t do well in upsetting situations and I’m just wondering what is best to talk about and say. At the moment she is still alert as in knows what’s happening around her but has some signs like not eating and withdrawal and sleeping a lot.

thank you to anyone who replies

I sat and held the hand of a dying friend. We’d talked a bit about nonsense really and when she was dozing off I held her hand. She died the next day and I’m glad I managed to sit with her for a bit.

DH is terminally ill and is half the man he was. I know it’s a shock when people see him, so does he.
People visit and it’s just like any other catch up tbh, only with him dozing off every 10 minutes. DH will occasionally make jokes about it, depending on who the audience is, but mostly they will talk together about a lot of old times, who’s doing what now, how various people they haven’t seen for ages are doing, the weather etc etc.
I know it’s a frightening prospect, and you desperately don’t want to say the wrong thing, but it’s not like you are going to walk in there and tell them how awful they look! Just talk to them as you used to.

Look, within reason there's nothing you can say that can make this worse. Turning up, being yourself, sharing your news is what's required here. If you get a chance to share a nice memory with this person, then do. Thank them for any good they've brought into your life. There's nothing to be done, nothing hugely profound you can say. Touch them, if that's appropriate, I find people get a bit scared of touching very poorly people. Take a breath and smile, it's ok and normal to be sad and you can only do your best.

@Littleeluv I wondered how you got on visiting your relative. I find myself in the same situation this weekend. This relative is very ill and
His wife is taking it hour by hour. I wondered in light of your experience have you any new advice ? Sending loving thoughts for your relative xx

Thanks everyone for your kind messages and advice.

@Authorinwaiting Hi. we spoke about everyday things and also about different memories. My relative was starting to close their eyes quite a lot and stare off into space as we were talking. it was hard to see how much they have detoriated over the last few months. It’s ok to show emotion. My relative will be going into the hospice in the coming days. Hope it goes ok and sending best wishes to you and your relative too xx