Feel upset about how relatives death was broken to me

[user9887111]

On Monday my aunt died very suddenly in the early hours of the morning, her son phoned one of my other aunts at 8am to let them know and the family members were told by phone or visits that morning. We are a large family with lots of cousins and aunts and uncles.
I was at work by the time my mum knew and wasn’t finishing till 6pm. She phoned my sister that morning to let her know and they both decided It was best not to tell me until I had finished work.
After work I needed to pop to Asda thought I would phone my mum see if she needs anything and she tells me she has had bad news and tells me when I’m in Asda.
I feel that compared to the rest of my family I’m not coping with the death I don’t know if it is the shock of been told on my own in the middle of a shop or because the rest of my family have had more hours of grieving.

That is very tricky, and I'm sorry for your loss. I can see how your mum and sister thought it was the right thing not to tell you until after work and then your mum was caught off guard by you calling and didn't know what to say. If she had pretended nothing was wrong and then called you later with the news, it feels like that would have been equally bad. And if she'd called you and told you in work - ditto.

People are hit by grief in different ways and at different times. I think I would focus on processing this early stage of shock and grief, being kind to yourself and just trying to get through each day as it comes. Are your family aware that you feel you're not coping well?

Well, would you have preferred to be told at work? Your mother presumably didn’t know you were in a supermarket, and if she’d asked where you were and hung up, that would have been odd and made you think something was wrong…?

That’s very sad. Tricky, not your mum or sibling’s fault.

Surely it was going to be a huge shock wherever you were when they told you.
I can’t really see what your mum or sibling did wrong. If she hadn’t told you as soon as she spoke to you then you would have ended up being upset that they’d kept it from you. It would have been a bit odd to have a nice chat about groceries and then phoning you 2 hours later to say ‘by the way auntie sue died this morning’
You are understandably upset and shocked but it’s likely this is how you would have felt now matter how you found out.