my friend

[Rachie305]

My friend recently lost her baby at 15 days old to sudden infant death, I am concerned for her as she hasn’t told the father he has passed away they wasn’t together and he hasn’t met the child yet as he has another family but she’s not going to tell him before the funeral and she said she’s not going to bother to tell him I don’t really know what to say to her about it as she obviously grieving

That's so hard. Your poor friend.

Your poor friend 😢 x

You want to change her mind out of some idealistic view he has a right to say goodbye to his baby? Stay out of it. Most likely he won’t care. Might even be relieved. So don’t pressure your friend to bring that pain into her life.

Your only response is ‘I think that whatever feels right to you is absolutely the right thing to do’.

Yeah that’s what I’ve said but he tried to see the baby when he was born and she put a stop to it as she wasn’t ready yet she hasn’t told her grandparents neither she’s literally keeping this all to herself

Is she keeping it to herself coz she is in shock / denial, and the more people she tells the more real it becomes.
She may not be telling everyone as she cannot cope with their grief as well as her own ?

Maybe but everyone is going to be missing out on his funeral and what she eventually going to say especially to the father ‘sorry he died 6 months ago’ she said he doesn’t need to know

Does she have any other support? Apart from you? Sounds like she needs it. Is she in touch with any bereavement services? They will be able to offer help.

I don't think there is anything you can do or say about this.

She has her mum and counselling is going round this week for her

Then all you can you is support her while the professionals do their stuff

Update the dad has contacted mediation to get access to the child (but she didn’t answer the phone a voicemail was left) he’s still unaware of the circumstances and she’s planning on telling him AFTER the funeral

You really can't get involved in this. It isn't actually any of your business. All you can do is support your friend in her grief.
Maybe you feel you should step back from supporting her until after the funeral / after the father has been told ?
Maybe you feel you should step back from being her friend ?

Unless the father is a mutual friend ?

She may regret her decision one day, but right now it's her choice and if she does regret it she is the one that has to live with that decision. I guess you have made your thoughts / feelings regarding her decision known to her.

Right now I guess her head is a mess, and is struggling to get thru each day.