How to help grieving family

[LakeFlyPie]

A neighbour has died suddenly leaving wife and older teen children. What practical things can we do without burdening them with 'just ask if there's anything we can do'. They have close and supportive family so don't want to impose or intrude either. What helps in the early days when everyone is still in shock?

Nothing helps. I appreciate where you are coming from but keep out of it

Talking from experience

It's best to say 'Is there anything I can do?' which places the responsibility on them to come up with something - when they are most traumatised in shock. If they have a dog offer to walk it/offer to get shopping in/look after kids. However, if they have a close and supportive family, these tasks will likely be taken care of. When things 'settle' after the funeral, help may be needed as families need to return to their lives. Perhaps offer then.

A card. IF really IF you know them - food they like, AGAIN IF you really know them -wine / beer.

Wait for the initial support to wane after the first few weeks/funeral when people get too busy or think they are not needed any more, then be there for a cup of tea and/or a chat. Grief can last a long time and others can forget support is still needed.

If they need anything it will be clear from the chats.

Other than 'is there anything I can do?' nothing

It needs to be about them and what they need

When dd died a couple of neighbours regularly brought food and left it on our doorstep (and text to let us know). I hated being told ‘just ask’ because I couldn’t muster up the energy to think of what might help, let alone ask for help.

Food - ready meals, deliveroo vouchers - anything practical.

Food or restaurant gift certificates.

Yes to dog walking if there is a dog!!! I still remember a neighbor who walked out dog.

Also things like taking the bins to the curb is handy.

And when things quiet down in a month swing by and invite them for tea. Things become deafening quiet at the point. Sit with them.

I lost my 12 year old daughter two years ago and there are things that people did which helped. Some neighbours left a card with home cooked meals, some left frozen meals, some sent cards and left flowers on the doorstep or plants, some sent a little gifts. It all helped and I think anything you do will be appreciated and you’re lovely to think of other people x