New year's resolutions for the broken

[Twentytwentyfour]

It's been a hard few years of bereavements and trauma.

I'm trying to think of new years resolutions that might give me some focus/reason to carry on.

I'm not adding extra pressure in a difficult time I just want to search for a way to get through.

So far I've got-

1. learn to make a good scone recipe off by heart. (I can bake a basic handful of recipes, but never made a scone and there's no one to teach me now )

1. Find something fun or that makes me laugh. I have no idea what fun looks like anymore.

Other ideas welcome, additionally if anyone wants to join that would be grand x

Be kind to yourself each day.

So try to keep your internal talk kind - treat yourself how you'd treat a friend and don't beat yourself up if some days are just really shit and hard.

Thanks 🌸 good idea- I have bought one of those mindfulness journals for mums. Trying to mindfully change the interior monologue.

I tried a gratitude journal but I'm really not at a grateful place so that's on the backburner for a while.

For the past couple of years, I have resolved to add things rather than giving them up, @Twentytwentyfour. I read a poem every day - I have bought an anthology with a different poem for every day of the year so I don’t have to find one every day.

I make cheese scones - but I put in far too much cheddar, so they lose all structural integrity, and become cheese splats rather than scones - I highly recommend it - they are delicious.

I think finding something fun is a great resolution.

How about:
Do something new or different each week (can be really small things);

Give yourself a treat each week or month;

Visit 5 new places;

Take up again something you enjoyed when young;

Host a party;

Do something scary (skydiving; mountain climbing etc);

Start a new tradition.

Poetry anthology is a great idea. I'm out and about now so I might try and find one in Waterstones. (Our local charity shop isn't open today or I'd look there)

Cheddary splats sounds delicious

Thanks lily I'm not at party stage yet, I've been hibernating. My latest bereavement was last week so I'm at ground zero (again). and things that scare me include life in general, so I'll try to work up to something scary. I'm BFing and trying to maintain my supply as it tends to plummet when stressed. I've just started exercising again post c section so I'll look at a dance class or something like that, I used to dance all the time.

Ah very sorry to hear that. Hope you will find something that lifts your spirits - dancing sounds like a great idea.

Thanks lily 💜

Update I'm venturing out to the hairdresser's in January (resolution number 4)

https://www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/classic-scones-jam-clotted-cream

Good luck OP. Sounds like you are being positive but realistic too. This is an excellent scone recipe. Gather the mixture together but don't over-handle, make sure they are deep enough and you'll be fine.

Really cheerful TV can be good. Schitts Creek, Derry Girls, Friday Night Dinner .. whatever makes you laugh.

Mine is simply to look after myself more/better. Every morning I am going to try and take a moment to think how I will do that today.

Thanks for the recipe highland coo 🙂

I also decided to try and find a way to listen to music this year- I can't often have it on as I have a child with sensory issues who struggles with music but i love music so I'll try and make sure I make time for that.

....good idea tiptoe Tess 💜 hope you managed to do that today x

Thank you for starting this thread. I lost my wonderful Dad in August, and am feeling so exhausted I can barely imagine having the self discipline to commit to New Year Resolutions, yet I would dearly love to make many gentle positive changes to help me out of this sadness I am in.

I was wondering about trying to channel some of my Dad’s favourite rituals with my resolution choices. Maybe regularly swimming lengths like I used to do with him as a child (followed by an ice cream Mars!), reading his favourite book, eating a Granny Smith apple a day, having a Sunday evening bubble bath like he used to do, taking my young family on a holiday to Mallorca as he took me on as a child.

Sending love to everyone on this thread x

💜 I hear you desperately seeking - I lost a parent only recently. I find it two steps forward one step back at the moment.

You have some great ideas and sounds like a lovely way to honour your dad.

Grief is really exhausting on every level. 💐 I'm sorry for your loss and hope this thread gives some food for thought.

It's so hard isn't it x

Thanks @Twentytwentyfour , I don’t know many others in real life who have lost a parent (my parents were a bit older than other parents when they had me), so I am finding this message board a bit of a lifeline with navigating this time xx

It's truly so difficult - the solidarity and kindness of those also on these threads has pulled me through when I feel cut off from those around me irl. I have felt inspired by others courage and strength when I don't have any of my own (and I don't, I'm a ground zero mess).

Its so sad that these boards are busy because it means others are grieving too, but it's been a literal lifeline here too. i don't honestly know where else I'd turn in these dark days and find words of wisdom and genuine empathy 💜. Sending love, when you have little ones it's pressure and processing grief is hard (but also is the reason I'm trying to pull through- those squishy little faces) xx

Do you have AirPod type headphones? Can you listen to music with just one ear piece in whilst your DC are doing something, whether napping or watching TV or something (depending on their age)? It means that you can listen to music (although reduced sound quality) whilst not disturbing them and being able to hear them calling you or causing mischief. This won't work if your DC with sensory issues requires constant supervision.
It must be so hard to grieve whilst also looking after young DC. Both are full time occupations.

I do have those teeny ear bud things! I could definitely do the one ear piece thing as my littlest is snoozing on me as we speak.thanks good idea wide awake ♥️

It's just very surreal, you are needed 24/7 - snacks/milk/potty/nappy/playdates/stories/runny noses all the usual but on the inside your life is basically on fire and by the way it's Christmas so as mammy i need to make the magic happen, but also there's reminders of loved ones e.v.e.r.y.w.h.e.r.e.

Sorry for your losses, OP. I have been trying to find doable resolutions and so far have got: learn to parallel park, learn the rules of football properly, buy a Christmas jumper and choose a country I haven’t been to before for a trip in 2025. Not super demanding, but little feelings of accomplishment and/or progress of various types. I am keeping my gratitude journal of three things per day but accepting that it’s ok if I end up with only one, or writing why the day was particularly hard so I couldn’t come up with anything. It’s real so why hide it. The other thing I have been doing, and really recommend if your MH is bad (or maybe even if it’s not; mine is so dire I don’t even know what’s normal any more) is a mood tracker. It’s nice sometimes to look back and see that I did have one single day that I thought was only slightly unpleasant even though my overriding memory now might be that it was all unbearably unbearable, if that makes sense.

Yes that's a great idea sad sad - the mood tracker sounds like it might help me remember when things are vaguely bearable - as opposed to utter darkness as it feels like. My mh just doesn't exist rn. I barely exist, I function, sort of.

The rules of football is a good challenge.

I'm thinking of trying something resoluntiony with essential oils or a diffuser - or a pillow spray, I'm trying to think of something to break through the grief fog and bring myself back to the here and now. Maybe just get a candle and light it when I do the journally thing.

I'm sorry also that your MH is not great - it sounds like you are doing lots of good things ❤️ it was really kind of you to reach out also xxx

I really hope you get more of the vaguely bearable days, @Twentytwentyfour. They do exist, although mostly in the form of vaguely bearable moments when you think, wow, I haven’t thought about x for ten minutes.

This is a great thread. Has anyone recommendations for a guided mindfulness/gratitude journal? Or is it just a regular diary you note what you're grateful for?

Scones is great - I love a scone!
Cook a new recipe
Walk a new walk, do things differently, even a detour home
Wear colours -that suit you. No black. .....
Keep a gratitude diary, has to be handwritten, this makes a difference!
A good comedian - laughter is good

Empathy, a hard yar here too. Just emerging from the fog a bit.