I can't face today

[Lollywillowes]

Just that.

Mum died on 22nd. I am barely functioning.

I'm so tired. Heavy weight. When I try to sleep I can't unless I am beyond sanity and then sleep barely touches the sides. When I wake, I cry.

I look for my mum. I try to hear her.

When does it get easier?

I am so sorry. Would it help to talk about your Mum here? This is the second Christmas without my Mum. She lives Christmas and always made it special for us as children.

I’m so sorry for your loss, that’s so recent and raw :(

I lost my mum 6 years ago, I still miss her every day but it does get easier with time.

Be kind to yourself, you can get through today, sending you all my love xx

Didn't want to read and leave, this sounds incredibly hard, sending you much love from an Internet stranger. Just do whatever you need to do to get through the day. Xxx

are you alone?
partner?
children?

So sorry op - l am sure your mum would want you to have the nicest Christmas you possibly can, easier said than done especislly ss it is so recent. I hope the rest of your family are supportive xx

Oh op. I've been here. My first Christmas I was still deep in shock. The best advice I got was to just get through the next hour. And then the next, and then the next.
Don't try to do anything Christmas. This is just hour by hour survival. Is anyone with you?

I'm so sorry 💐

Christmas is brutal after a bereavement, especially when it's only been a few days.

Who are you with today? Cancel 'Christmas' in the sense of any expectations.

Just one step at a time. Try to eat, plenty of tea, if you can get out for a walk.

Beyond that don't do anything else (unless essential, like DC / gifts). You don't owe anyone anything today.

🙏🏾 sending love and strength

I'm so sorry. It does get easier, I promise, but it takes time.

Hopefully you have people around you who will support you today. I'm so sorry for your loss and your pain. Would it help you to tell us about your mum?

Oh bless you. I agree that you just have to survive an hour at a time at this stage, it’s still so recent.

Christmas is irrelevant, your mum is worth your grief.

I’m 3 months down the line of losing my Mum. The first day or so you’re in shock and fairly numb. For me day 2/3, the bit you’re in now, was the worst.

Do you have children or other people for whom you need to make Christmas happen or are you able to sit in your PJs and cry?

Handholding.

Focus on being kind to yourself. Don’t expect anything of yourself. Just breathe and remember how much you loved each other. Sweet tea and nice easy food like a bit of fruit.

Thank you.

I had a very complex relationship with her. She had addiction and mental health issues all through her life that really affected me as a child and adult. I felt responsible for her. My childhood was lonely and life felt precarious and uncertain. She was often ill and i grew up with a sense of impending doom. Because of her problems, she wasn't able to be there for me when/how I needed her to. This was never resolved.

The last year she has been ill with cancer (third time). We knew it was terminal. Her experience with this was awful and destabilising. I am a single parent with two young children. I moved away due to divorce a year ago and have been trying to provide a stable loving life for my children. My children come first and I felt she never accepted this. I did as much as I could for her in these last months whilst trying not to completely fall apart. It was all so triggering.

The worst bit is that she never got over the death of my granny, hoarded lots of stuff, never sorted through my granny's things and faced up to problems so it is all left to me to deal with. I have one brother who is severely autistic and unable to relate. My dad is elderly and has ill health too. They were divorced since I was a baby but remained close over the years (enmeshed). He is a calm person to be around but not someone who can look after me or help me with much.

I am meant to be starting a new job in January. I am having trouble functioning.

Today my ex husband has got the children. He didn't seem to understand for a long time that I cannot deal with looking after the children right now. I will see them and then drive 1hour out of city home. I am scared to drive but I want to be in my house.

Thank you to you kind people.