Funerals, flowers & donations

[puddypud]

I'm just after a little bit of advice really. My lovely mum passed away a few weeks ago, after a short battle with a very nasty and aggressive cancer. It was just over 3 months from diagnosis to her death and completely turned our worlds upside down.
Mum was a big part of her local cathedral congregation, a volunteer there and taught the Sunday school for many years. She also was very active in her local community and a few local women's groups. As such, we expect a big turn out to celebrate her life.
Mum specifically requested a direct cremation, which we have done, and then a celebration service in her cathedral in the new year. I'm in the process of arranging this all now and it's quite overwhelming.

I specifically wanted to ask about floral arrangements. Obvious as mum has been cremated her coffin won't be at the service. Her ashes won't be either as she thought it quite morbid to have an urn sat on the altar for everyone to stare at, plus she also wants them put into the cathedral gardens, so this may be done before hand. Mum loved flowers and her garden, so I'd like to have some kind of floral arrangement at the service. Does anyone have any ideas of the type of arrangement suitable in this instance? It's no good asking the cathedral advice at the moment, they are very slow to reply due to all the Christmas services and activities.

Another thing I'd like to ask. Mum was in a hospice for the last few days of her life and the nursing staff were absolutely amazing, with both her, myself and my family. We'd like to ask for donations to be made to the hospice at the service but stuck on how to word this in the service announcement/email to everyone? I don't have a way with words so any help would be appreciated.

I didn't expect to be planing a funeral/service for my mum this early in my life and, sadly, the person who I'd usually ask for this kind of advice is my mum.

Sorry for your loss.

Often people put something like this on the notice and order of service - ‘donations in lieu of flowers would be welcomed by XX hospice which cared so kindly for Puddy’sMum’

So sorry for your loss. Have you a funeral director, if so, they should be able to give you advice. But if not, you simply have a nice photo of your Mum surrounded by her favourite flowers on a table at the front. Get advice from a florist as they will have experience. On the celebration notices, you state that donations are to xyz, either via newspaper notices or on the details of service you hand out.

I hope it all goes well and you can pay your final respects to your Mum in the way she wishes.

Sorry for your loss.

Usually people can choose to pay direct to the charity so do give the details of how to do that. or you can have a collection at the memorial. I think the church can provide envelopes or someone can stand at the exit with a basket. Be sure to let people know before though so they have a bit of cash with them.

We had a very similar situation recently, having lost my mum to cancer in a very short window, and her being an active part of the church community and local groups.

We had a cremation, immediately followed by a thanksgiving service. The flowers from the coffin top and family flowers went to the church, where they sat on a table with a photo of my mum. I could PM you a photo if you want.

The funeral director hosted a donation page for us, and printed on the service sheet, but you could link to the hospice directly. We didn’t have a box for people to put donations in, but this surprised some of the older generation, so might be something to consider.

Sorry for your loss, @puddypud and @Teenytinyvoice . The first Christmas is particularly rough, so I hope you get some timne to yourselves.

"The family request donations in lieu of flowers to XXXX in thanks for their care" is pretty much the standard in my experience. It's what most people seem to do in my (limited) experience.

Thank you everyone for the good advice and well wishes. I've set up a donation page for online donations this evening with the hospice directly and have contacted them for some of their donation envelopes for on the day too. I actually work for a charity and we deal with all our donations like this so I'm not sure why I didn't even think of it for myself! Brain fuzz

@TheSilentSister Lovely idea to have her photo surrounded by her favorite flowers. Unfortunately these are poppys and bluebells so out of season a tad. I will have to think outside the box.

@Teenytinyvoice I'm sorry for your loss also. Thank you for the advice about a donation page.