Suicide and terrible guilt

[opalescent]

My beautiful friend took her own life after years of terrible mental health. She tried so hard. She was so warm and loving. Would do anything for anyone.
Our relationship had peaks and troughs...never a fallout, just times when we were seeing each other more. There would be lots of crises over the years- times when things really came to a head, and usually involving alcohol. I was scared, and always felt out of my depth. I would try very hard to support, but never really knew the right thing to do. We had drifted over the last couple of years, but still spoke from time to time.

She was so lovely. I wish I had supported her unconditionally, been there for her more. Stopped making excuses. I knew how it would end. We all did. I'm so sad for her. And her family. I wish I had done more.

That’s really sad and haunting news. Suicide is terrible for those left behind but the guilt on your part is misplaced. In the end it was your friends decision so take the time to grieve and come to terms with her death. May she rest in peace and may you go on to live your best life.

You did what you could and what was right at the time, you were not responsible for looking after her. All relationships have ups and downs, focus on the good times you shared, don't let guilt destroy you. It's easy to feel guilty when you're grieving but be kind to yourself, she and ger family knew you cared, if you didnt love her you wouldn't feel sad. .

As someone who attempted in August I never felt I hadn't been supported enough by my friends more that I was a drain.

Know that she felt bad that her pain was moving on to her friends and family and that she wished it wouldnt

@Iguessyourestuckwithme I hope so much that you are in a better place with your mental health 💐
What a painful situation for everyone involved. I'm sure that your friends absolutely do not see you as a drain. They probably wish with all their hearts that they could do something to help.

We know from research with survivors of suicide attempts that suicide is usually impulsive. The impulse typically lasts about 20 minutes, so - sadly - there is a big element of luck. If you have the impulse when you are alone and have to means to act on the impulse, you may die when another person, with the same suicidal feelings may live because the circumstances are not 'right' for them to end their life at the time when they get the impulse.

Please do not feel guilt. Your friend did not die because of anything you did or didn't do. She sounds like a lovely person, and the last thing she would want is for you to feel responsible. It was terrible bad luck; it wasn't your fault.

And MissLucy is right.

It all just suddenly happened. And after and the survival moments it completely freaked me out.

Know that you have nothing to feel guilty for

My best friend died in the same way 7 years ago, we had been friends since we were teenagers and similar to you it was always there, it's shocking but also expected. The first few months were awful, don't try and take your mind off it.Think of the good times and cry when you need to, it's because you loved them and I'm sure your friend knew this. Like anything time will make it easier.

Please don't feel guilty .

I hate how the current "reach out to someone if you're suicidal" and "be kind" memes have blurred the thinking on suicide. Most people who do it have many people who love and care for them. There's sometimes nothing anyone can do. It's all a massive guilt shifting exercise. Leave the decision with the person who wanted out and allow them to rest in peace and be happy for them that they got what they wanted. Imho.

Thank you all ❤️

My dh lost his bf of 35 years recently. Like you they had reduced contact- we now know he has isolated himself from everyone. No falling out. His friend moved away many years ago so they only saw each other a few times a year. Bf mental health took a huge nose dive and he was not reciprocating any contact. My dh didn't realise how series his mh difficulties were. Took his own life a few months ago. Dh is wracked with guilt. It's not his fault of course and it's natural to feel guilty. He had a wife, kids and other family members who couldn't help him. I don't think my dh could've done anything. So sorry for your loss xx

I agree with this. We talk a lot about Dignitas etc for elderly and terminally ill people but I firmly believe the right to die applies to all those who have tried so hard but have just had enough.

You did the best you could and that is all that matters.