Second Christmas without my brother. Feeling flat.

[CloseYourMouthLynn]

My dear brother died of cancer last June and this will be the second Christmas without him. I really struggled last year and thought this year would be easier, but I'm starting to feel very sad and flat, and I'm finding it hard.
This is a stressful month anyway with Christmas organising and it's my daughter's birthday Xmas eve so I feel I need to snap out of it before then. We're hosting my husband's family (12 people!) So I have that to think of too.
I'm just so sad that I'll never have a Christmas with him again, never have our old family traditions ever again. What makes it harder is due to distance/logistics, I'm not seeing my family at Xmas. My husband's family are lovely but they're not my family and I feel like I need to be 'on' with them.
This has turned into a long ramble really, so I don't expect anyone to read it. But I guess I just thought I would feel better, it had gotten easier but the thought of Christmas is hitting me hard. How can I push it aside, mainly for my children so that I'm fun mum and not sad mum, does it get easier? I just miss him.

I'm sorry for you. Missing family members is very very hard. Mostly it gets easier to deal with and manage over time just because the loss isn't so raw. Be kind to yourself. Maybe plan when you will see the rest of your family as then you will have something to look forward to. Try not to put too much pressure on yourself re this year. Ask people to help out and bring things to ease the load. Maybe do things with the children and that might help - eg: activities/walks or whatever you like. There are no short cuts to grief - we grieve because we love and have lost. Be kind to you 🌷

Honestly, just go through the motions. Let the season happen. Don't worry about how you think you should be feeling, or try and feel a certain way. It's just pressure. And you’re not feeling it. I’m not either (2nd Xmas after bereavement).

I would also delegate any food prep / hosting as far as possible.

Shit isn’t it

It’s my 2nd Xmas without my brother too. He also died of cancer. He was only in his 30s.
He loved Xmas. It’ll always be tinged with sadness now.
I laid a lovely wreath on his grave today.

I’ll try to enjoy Xmas because that’s what he would have wanted.
Hugs xx

Thank you @nobabiesyet , i am trying to take it as it comes but expectations etc!

@Lemons1571 that's how I feel, going through the motions. I want to try and be excited by Christmas because my daughter is excited and I already feel like I'm not doing enough to make it fun for her. Totally shit, you're right.

@TwilightSkies I'm sorry about your brother, mine was young too. I like your positive spin, he did love Christmas, so I feel like I should remember he wouldn't want me to be sad but I just miss him, our traditions. hugs to you too.

I’m so sorry about the loss of your brother.

I suppose the thing is, Christmases change, evolve…. But cruel untimely death brings the change in a sudden and unnatural way. It brings no new element or replacement in its wake.

But your family life is valuable , your love for your Dd is ‘now’, your Christmas with her will be precious but also carries the memory of your brother.

Wishing you well.

I'm so sorry for your loss and I totally get why it feels harder at this time of year and having to be up and on for a family that isn't yours.

I lost my brother suddenly two months ago and for me Christmas is cancelled this year.

I truly hope that you find joy in your daugher's excitement and that that brings you some joy and comfort also.

@BrimfulOfMash thank you xx

@GerriKellman thank you and I'm very sorry to hear about your brother. To have lost him suddenly must've been such a shock for you. I hope you're as okay as you can be, be kind to yourself.

I'm truly just going through the motions for my kids sake, but Christmas will never be the same. I can't even really listen to Christmas music on the radio or take any joy in anything Christmas related because it's so steeped in memories and sadness.

I have a bauble with his picture in it on the tree but it's not good enough really, he should be here.

I also have the Christmas lergy which doesn't help!