Dad's funeral weird.

[Trifleguzzler]

Hi everyone, I am up in the early hours going over the Eulogy at my Dad's funeral yesterday.
It was weird.
My step mum took over the whole thing and we were very much kept at arms length.
I did however have a 15 minute chat with the celebrant to give some childhood memories which were well received as they were quite funny.
But had I not done that you wouldn't barely know he had kids or Grandad kids.
50% of it was about Dad and 50% was about her. My eldest even came out whose 13 and said quietly whose funeral were we at?
It was just really weird and I found myself zoning out for alot of it. There were serious omissions too like my Dad's kids from his first marriage (he was married 3 times) weren't even mentioned.
I get she is grieving the love of her life but it was so f*cking weird.
There was a song at the end that was a surprise and we encouraged to sing along, I hadn't been pre warned and it floored me so instead of being able to sing along and be happy like my dad had apparently wanted I was just sobbing.
Anyway, sorry just wanted to get it off my chest.
I wasn't the only one who was puzzled by alot of it, my brother said the same, that he couldn't listen to it either.

unfortunately Some people are arseholes before grieving and are even worse after.

My DM was so controlling over DF’s funeral. I did the eulogy but it was checked by her first- she didn’t like my first attempt which included his parents, sisters and childhood.

It’s not only an issue for blended families.

My dad passed in June and as next of kin it was my duty to organise the funeral... His "girlfriend" of 40 years, never married, never lived together, was a nightmare to me... I always thought dad needed to find someone his own age and someone who was less... Boring? Anyway, I included her and asked, well in advance, if she'd like to write something for the celebrant to read out, just from her... She said that was a lovely idea... The celebrant was due the following day, when I messaged her and asked if she'd got it ready and could she email me it... She'd had two weeks at this point... She said she was struggling with it and could I ring her when the celebrant was here and let her speak to him to see what he thought... I bit my tongue, but there was no way that this was going to happen, from my point of view... That was MY time to discuss MY dad and my memories... Then I wondered if I was being a bit unreasonable... So anyway, the celebrant arrived and after I'd spoken to him about dad, he asked if there was anyone else who'd like to have something read or read it themselves... I mentioned the above and he held his hand up and said a firm NO! He said he would not be taking a phone call while he was here, that she'd had long enough to put something together and that this was my time to talk about dad... He said that if she wanted, she could email him, but he wasn't really happy about that either... He seemed to feel she'd let me down in such a simple task (I have to point out here, I didn't diss her at all, I explained it as it was)
She sent me something via email, which I had to correct and then I forwarded it on...
On the day, her family came, as expected, but she brought her friend, who brought her sister!!! This friend came up to me at the wake and without any introduction, launched into the story of how her other half had just died too and how similar to my dads situation it all was... No condolences, no consideration that I was upset, or catching up with distant family... Her sister tried to get a word in to offer her condolences and ended up walking off... Didn't know either of them from Adam!!!
With all that, I was just making the point that it was the same, all very weird, so I feel your pain somewhat... Condolences hon ❤❤❤

In contrast - the husband of a friend of mine died and she made sure that the funeral made mention of his first wife. I admired her for that.

@Mischance my mum was mentioned so my birth could be mentioned. His first wife was mentioned but no mention of their two children. It was so weird.
But the term third time lucky was used. It seemed so crass. Me and my brother were just stunned. It was more about their love story rather than his life.
She banged on about how they fell in love etc it wasn't long after my parents had seperated. I remember that time as very painful for my mum and us and we had to sit and listen about loves young dream. It was hard.

So very hard indeed - and very thoughtless.

@Notimeforidiots69 god it's so odd isn't it? I get she is grieving, but so are we. My brother was in bits at the funeral and she kept asking me what was wrong with him. He's lost his Dad! That's what's wrong. Her parents are both living so she hasn't lost a parent before so I am sure she doesn't understand that pain.
I am glad I got a few of our stories in but here should've been so many more. He was a brilliant dad to us and we didn't get that across enough because it was taken up by her career highlights! 😳