Going back to work before the funeral

[Ilikewinter]

Morning all, in just wondering when people returned to work after loosing a parent?. My DM has passed but her funeral isnt for 3 weeks 😥. Whilst im off work this week i dont feel like i can stay off until after the funeral, i feel i need some structure back and sitting at home just thinking about everything isnt good for me, but on the other hand am i mad going back before the funeral?

I went back on the Monday (DM died on the Saturday) as I had my last week before maternity leave. Everyone was really lovely to me and it helped me not to get too stuck in grief before the funeral.

Obviously, I then had two weeks before baby was born and maternity leave to sit down and think properly.

I went back to work before the funeral with both my dad and my mum. In both cases it was useful to have something else to focus on to distract from the grief but work were very good in letting me do as much or as little as I felt capable of.

Sorry for your loss.

When my brother died I had 2 days and then went back to work but it was from home so it didn't matter if I needed a cry.

The funeral was a month later so I had that day off and ended up having the next day off too as I couldn't stop crying.

It might help going back but just take care of yourself, don't overdo it as it's a very difficult time.

Also if you're in an office brace yourself for weird questions, people can lose all sense around a bereaved person.

Sorry for your loss @Ilikewinter. I lost my mam three weeks ago today, it was very sudden and a big shock. Her funeral was last Wednesday. I had five days compassionate leave then went back to work. Albeit work is at a desk in my spare room.

Luckily my employer has been very understanding as I don't think I've got a full day in since. My concentration is lacking and as I had been dealing with the funeral arrangements and tying things up for my mam I've needed time to do that.

I've noticed my feelings and clarity on those feelings change and can be quite fluid. Maybe over the course of a day or weekend, maybe I'd have a good morning, deal with the florist or a letter from the bank, then not feel up to being back at work in the afternoon.

We also lost my partner's brother at the same time, she's been off work since. Different people need different things. Personally the anxiety would grow inside if I didn't keep distracted with working, but I know that would be different if I had to physically go into work. I know my emotions aren't really steady enough to be around people, and I think that something you might want to give a little bit of time to get an idea of where you're at.

With both of my parents, I went in after a couple of days.
It helped a lot, gave some structure to the day.
Didn't make 'going back to work' such a big things afterwards (which is often a more difficult time for many people).

Sorry for your loss . My mum died earlier this year, and because of various things which couldn't be changed her funeral was more than 3 weeks afterwards. I went back to work in between as I couldn't have had all that time off, it's really down to how you feel about it (& how your work is set up too)

I took 2 days ...up to the end the week. The funeral was on the Wednesday. It was very disjointed between the passing, the post mortem, getting a crematorium date and everything else took well over a month.

At the time I thought I coped excellently. In retrospect I was on auto pilot. Going to work and the business as usual attitude of my co workers was the only thing that kept me half way grounded.

I went back to work two days after my mum died until her funeral almost three weeks later. I did however work in a very supportive place with lovely people, many of whom were friends rather than just colleagues. I felt very looked after and supported.

Ah its nice to hear youve had positive experiences. Well ive completed my first day back, had a real knot in the stomache feeling as I walked through the door but everyone was lovely. So in hindsight I'm glad i went back - albeit I havent done much!

I think most people would be back at work long before the funeral (and feel better for it), unless there were very unusual extenuating circumstances. Routine can be a big help at a tricky time.

I didn't take any time off. I was in site the next day. I could compartmentalise my grief though.

I just took off the time needed to travel to and attend my parents' funerals. My older DB, who lived a lot closer made all the arrangements. My parents were in their 80s and had both reached the point where they were happy to go, so I wasn't grief-stricken.

There's no right or wrong answer on how to handle bereavement, everyone is different.

Everyone is different and there is no right or wrong way to grieve. When my sister died I only took the next day off and some people at work found that very difficult to deal with, but like others I preferred the return to structure. For my mother it was different, as I worked from home but I might not have been very polite when I got a call on my mobile from the US at midnight on the day of the her funeral.