Small ways to cope

[mogernator]

Hi
I've just suddenly lost my dad. I feel on a rollercoaster of emotions right now and also trying to support my also bereaved mother. Can anyone recommend ways or techniques they used to soothe themselves and help when things felt really bad. I'm struggling a lot right now with feelings of panic and anxiety, can't eat and sleep. Replaying the weekend over in my head, when the last time was, if only if only which is torturous. I keep getting feelings like electric shocks going through me when my brain says my dad is dead and is physically hurts. I can't stop crying but also feel very numb. I am also struggling with feelings of regret. We weren't that close. It wasn't a difficult relationship but he could be a complicated character so I'm also struggling with desperate feelings of wanting to turn back the clock just to have one time back. I am also feeing slightly haunted by saying yes to seeing him. That will be my last memory and though he looked peaceful I'm not finding it a comforting thought at all. It's traumatic and overwhelming. I just want to be a child again. I feel so bereft and it's floored me.

Oh I’m so sorry. I’m going through this at the moment and it’s so awful. I also have feelings of wanting to go back to childhood, and when I think of my bereavement I get a sensation of my breath being taken away.
Some of the small ways I am coping (not that I’m really coping, but I’m trying) are;

• knowing that everything I’m feeling is a normal part of grief
• talking to the GP. They have increased my SSRI and it’s made a difference
• try and drink in moderation only. On the odd occasion that I’ve had more than two glasses of wine I’ve been really low the next day and really noticed its depressant effects
• i will contact Cruse for help this week. Apparently this help is free
• know and accept that you will feel rubbish and unhappy for a while
• let yourself cry. Let it out now do that it doesn’t hit you in the future

Hopefully someone else will add something to this thread soon. You will be in deep shock at the moment and it will probably last for a while. Be gentle with yourself.

Thanks @GiveYourHeadAWobble and I'm so so sorry you are experiencing this too. I might go back to the GP yes and also see if I can increase medication. Also maybe some sort of sleep help for a while, same for my mother. I'm also just trying to not think too much and trying some distraction things like playing solitaire and being with other people is helping too a little.

I found the cruse pdf on losing a parent extremely helpful. I will take a look at what else they offer. Sending hugs to you. Please feel free to talk on here if you are feeling low.

I’m so sorry, OP. It’s hard. I get these moments of realisation that she’s gone. It is like an electric shock and can happen any time. In addition to what other posters adviser above, I’ve found that going for walks and listening to music have helped. I wish you a lot of strength for the weeks and months to come.

@mogernator Hugs to you too. Thank you, and the same goes for you. I will look for the Cruse pdf because I hadn't seen that. I've been very exhausted today - I seem to swing between emotional upset and then heavy, physical grief exhaustion. It's so hard.

I have these flashes of slope realization that she's gone. It is similar to an electric shock and can occur at any time.

You can talk to cruse online or in person, they were great when I was struggling.

I also did a bereavement EDF tapping therapy which calmed me and grounded me.

I'm so sorry for your loss - take one day at a time.

Do not hurry as you walk with grief
It does not help the journey

Walk slowly, pausing often

Do not hurry as you walk with grief
Be not disturbed by memories
that come unbidden
Swiftly forgive and let
Unspoken words, unfinished conversations
be resolved in your memories

Be not disturbed
Be gentle with the one who walks with grief

If it is you, be gentle with yourself
Swiftly forgive, walk slowly,
Pause often,
Take time

Be gentle as you walk with grief. 💐

Thanks all. Today I'm feeling quite numb. I'm just going wherever the grief train is taking me. I found playing solitaire helpful as is just being with people and not on my own. Can't quite look at photos yet. Too painful.