Navigating through a difficult day

[Ratfinkstinkypink]

Today marks two years since DH had his stroke and I find it a really hard day to get through. It robbed him of everything and left him in the place he was most scared of, in bed, unable to speak or use the right side of his body, cognitively less able and, worst of all it meant his chemo and all further treatment had to stop. I find it really hard to get through this day, I find it as hard as the day he died. I laid in bed last night fighting the demons that mean I don't want to be here any more because I know it is just the anniversary talking but it is so hard sometimes.

The weather today is similar to the day the stroke happened too. I am going to go to his favourite place soon and lay a rose on the beach in his memory.

Hi OP, I cant imagine how you are feeling, i have just lost my mum and am navigating the hell hole of grief. I hope you managed to lay your rose and that relived some happy memories x

I'm so sorry.. the pain is clear in your writing but so is your love for him. Hold on to that xx

I’m so sorry OP. I’m in a very similar situation. Grief is the worst feeling and I also experience those feelings of not wanting to be here.
I have been listening to Dr Mary Neal on YouTube and it’s been very interesting and reassuring for me. I recommend listening to her.

I'm so sorry, it sounds like such a horrendous anniversary. Everything I try to write sounds so inadequate in the face of what you're coping with.

I hope you were able to find some comfort when you visited his favourite place today. Sending you the strength you need to get through this day 💐

What a cruel thing to have happened to him. No wonder you find the day difficult. So sorry. Hope tomorrow will be a brighter day for you. x

We went, it helped, I feel strangely calm tonight.

Thank you @GiveYourHeadAWobble, I will give her a try. I am sorry you know what this feels like too

I'm glad it helped and you had some calmness last night. That photo seems a calm spot, something soothing about the image.

I hope that sense of calm and comfort is still with you this morning.

it sounds like you managed a very distressing day in a really suitable and beautiful way @Ratfinkstinkypink . Sometimes the fear of your feelings turn out to be worse than the reality. And you managed those feelings and are still here. I can see why many people liken grief to being in an ocean and sometimes the waves are just crashing you around and you feel like you might go under… but you ride them out one by one… just like yesterday.
Much love to you- the photo looks like your husband had wonderful taste as it seems a stunning place to enjoy being.