Hoping I get the MN terminology right in this post!
My close friend was diagnosed with cancer in October 2019 and died May 2020. Her and her husband were very private people and very little people knew of her diagnosis. I was trusted with this information and tried to support the best I could, lockdown made this incredibly difficult.
When she died she left behind a 10 year old DD, who was in the same school and school year as my DS.
In the weeks leading up to her death my friend asked that I text her DD and just let her know that I was there to support her too, which I did.
Following her death I have found it hard to maintain contact with my friend's DH and DD, we no longer live in the same area but we're not so far apart that we can't visit.
When restrictions were lifted I took her DD out on a couple of occasions and spoke to her DH in the garden a few times.
Contact has dwindled over time, I messaged her DH a couple of times to try and arrange meeting up but had no reply for some time and when he did reply they were busy.
I still message her DD every now and then, starting a new school year, birthdays etc but don't know if should pursue trying to meet up?
I tend to overthink things and my own DH has said maybe I need to consider it's too painful to see me, I now can't get past this and worry my contact is not wanted.
I think of my friend daily and miss her terribly, since moving I am no longer in touch with any friends we had in common so my only connection is with her DH and DD.
I feel like I'm letting her down by not staying in contact with her DH and DD.
Should I still reach out to them every now an then or could it be true that it is too painful to maintain such contact? Their feelings obviously trump mine and I don't want to pursue it if I could be making things worse. I just can't stand the thought of severing that final link but is that selfish of me?