Anniversary of friend's child death

[pasturesgreen]

As the title says, it's coming up to the first anniversary of the death of my friend's son. He died suddendly in his sleep, aged 19, totally unexpectedly, no known underlying health issues. Massive tragedy, really.

I've been thinking of reaching out to my friend (the young man's dad) on the anniversary, with a letter or card, but I'm also kind of second guessing myself and worrying I'd perhaps be intruding at a time that's bound to be even harder than usual. WWYD?

No experience so heed other posters more but I think it’d be a lovely thing to do. It’s not like he’s not going to be thinking of his son on that day.
Personally, and this is top of my head and again heed posters with experience I’d send a nice not bereavement card and just write Thinking of you on this sad day with a concrete offer- let me know if you’d like to talk/ go and see the Napoleon film/ try that new tapas place.

Definitely reach out , let him know your thinking of him and he’s son remember the good times maybe a meal or do something they used to do together to celebrate his life

Do it. Don’t overthink it. It’s a lovely thing to do

I think sending a ‘thinking of you’ card would be lovely. It’s not like he will have let it slip his mind so you needn’t worry about bringing it to the surface. To have people remember and acknowledge is actually quite special ime. Maybe include a nice memory you have of his son.

Yes, be in touch.

As this is the first anniversary, there will probably be quite a lot of people who remember and commemorate. Good friends will remember both anniversary and birthday through the years.

Sending a card, or a warm message by any means is very, very unlikely to be seen as intruding.

Thank you for your replies, I'll send a thinking of you card

Don't overthink it. Your friends will appreciate whatever gesture you make. Actually the worst thing is people never mentioning the grief as if that majes it go away. It doesn't.

Speak his name. Share memories of him. It's ok.

Sending a card/flowers/other token of your good wishes is totally ok

I think for many people, it means a lot to have these things acknowledged. It can feel like everyone is pretending the person who died never existed, to avoid upsetting the bereaved, when often they really WANT to talk about the person they lost. Bereaved people can sometimes feel they're the only person who remembers the lost loved one, and everyone else has forgotten. (Of course they haven't, they're just wary of broaching a difficult subject)

A discreet "Thinking of you" card or message is a lovely idea, OP.

Yes, do reach out. You sound a caring and sensitive friend, and I'm sure it will be of great comfort.

Include mention of what you'll always remember best about his son. What made him special. Those personal anecdotes do help. As does being reassured a late loved one's individuality is in others' minds.

An unexpected death at only 19 years old. That's so sad. I'm sorry for your friend's and your loss.

I would send a text or card, I do to my friends mam & family and it’s her 24th anniversary this year

It'll be 7 years this December since my DD died. A number of people send me a brief WhatsApp or Messenger message usually along the lines of "thinking of you today". It's very touching that people have remembered the date and means a lot to me. No need to go overboard.

He died suddendly in his sleep, aged 19, totally unexpectedly, no known underlying health issues

Christ, that is literally the worst. Such a nightmare.
You sound like a good friend, I’m sure they would like their son to be acknowledged, even though they will obviously be in pain.

Another vote for reaching out! I think it's the mark of a true friend.

Send a card.. use the young mans name..

I have been in this situation. We found it so comforting and kind when people remembered the anniversary of our child's death. Cards and messages made us feel that he wasn't forgotten by other people, and that was nice for us.