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Bereavement

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Original poster

Selling parents house - need to sell but can't let go

28 replies

Chizzyfizzy · 03/11/2023 19:45

What it says really. Agreed sale on mom and dad's house. I don't want to live there and don't want to let it out. But the thought of not being able to ever go there again is making me so sad. Will this pass and why am I feeling like this? It's just a house that I haven't lived in for 30 years. It's really getting me down and I feel like I'm going through bereavement all over again.

Has anyone else been through this? How did you cope?

OP posts:
TicTacNicNak · 03/11/2023 19:49

No advice OP but sending a hug.

My mum still lives in the house her and my late father bought when I was 18 months old. I'm 60 now. I can't bear the thought of having to let go of it one day.

Lovepeaceunderstanding · 03/11/2023 19:54

I went and said goodbye, all the furniture had gone, the tenants had neglected both the house and garden. I walked through each room. It was hard to shut the door one last time. I avoid their road now. I feel for you.

DeathStarCanteenGal · 03/11/2023 19:56

no real advice, but sympathy. I have just sold my late mothers house, and despite having no good memories of growing up there, and quite a few painful ones, I found the whole process horribly anxiety inducing.
can you think of something nice you can do for yourself afterward, and use that to help you get through the tough times?
I'm planning a holiday with my share of the money from the house, so researching that helps a bit for me. but it needn't be anything big - just something nice you could treat yourself to afterward, like a massage, or spa day if that's your thing, to relax
anyway, I'm rambling a bit, but just wanted to say I know it's tough

Original poster
Chizzyfizzy · 03/11/2023 20:02

Thanks for the responses. I could actually live there if I really wanted to - would just sell my house and move into my mom's - but I know I'd be isolated and may not settle. If I'd have wanted to live there I guess I'd have done it - had long enough to do it. It's so hard but I'm hoping once it's all done I'll start to move on. Maybe I'm just trying to hold on to what's already gone and this last step will bring me closure.

OP posts:
TeenLifeMum · 03/11/2023 20:05

Your memories won’t go and without them there it’s not the same place. I occasionally drive by my old family home where I grew up and see the new family living there and I just hope they have the same happy memories I have of a loving childhood. There’s still a heart tug though but that just means it meant something.

YikYok · 03/11/2023 20:05

I found it terribly upsetting letting my mum’s house go. I took lots of photos, I took cuttings from plants. I gave goodwill gifts to neighbours.

Then I cleaned the house, and I made it perfect for the new owners and I imagined my mum, telling me it was time for a new family to love the house she’d found so much happiness in.

And still - I ducked calls from the solicitor and the estate agent because couldn’t bear to finalise the sale.

on the day of completion, I sobbed and sobbed like it was the funeral all over again.

A few days later I met the new owners by chance - they were so lovely, I knew my mum would be pleased with me. She wouldn’t want her home to be empty. (She’d be mad at them for changing the wallpaper in the living room though.)

now - I don’t think about the house and honestly the closure was really helpful. Letting go is so very hard, but also so very necessary.

Sisterpita · 03/11/2023 20:09

Take photos and videos so you have the memories captured when you feel the need to look aback at all the happy times.

Stillamum3 · 03/11/2023 22:06

Yes, it's a good idea to take photos. I went back to my Mum's house about 2 years after she'd died,. I was looking at the garden and the lady who had bought it spotted me and came out. I explained why I was looking and she very kindly showed me around the house and what changes she'd made. It was very therapeutic and helped me "let go".

Whataretheodds · 03/11/2023 22:14

What would help you to say goodbye to it properly? To be able to let it go?

Original poster
Chizzyfizzy · 03/11/2023 22:25

Nothing. Because deep down I want to just go there and I don't know, just be somewhere where my mom and dad were - but it's not healthy and it's costing me about £200/ month to keep it sitting empty.

OP posts:
FiveShelties · 03/11/2023 22:30

I have just sold my late Mum's home. I was brought up there from around age 9 and I was dreading clearing the house and selling it. I have cleared the house and realised the house was not what I remembered it was just an empty house. My memories will travel with me, the house was just a house.

It us tough to sell a family home but your memories will remain. 💐

Cotswoldbee · 03/11/2023 22:35

My parents bought their house in the early 1950's and I sold it last year.
It was sad but everything comes to an end and I think I felt I could move on as I spent some time living there leading up to the sale so I didn't just have old memories.
The house needed new owners to breath new life into it but I guess it was the vast garden I will miss the most, my parents planted it from scratch and it was a veritable woodland when sold.

At least I know they are still there in the garden they loved.

makingmebrighter · 03/11/2023 22:58

Are there some things you can take and integrate into your own home? When my mum died, I brought some of her beautiful roses to my garden. I also picked some things like a sideboard (that was beautiful) and cutlery, her rolling pin...all things that made me think of mum and 'home'.

Mentally it helped me to think I wasn't really saying goodbye to the house, I was just relocating some things. Now I feel like so many nice things from my mum's house, from her soup ladle to a set of serving bowls, have a new home with me. Flowers

Charliecatpaws · 04/11/2023 00:19

It's so difficult, mu Mum passed 7 years ago and my Dad in May 2021and I've still not been able to sell their house,not because it wouldn't sell, just the finality of it. We moved in when I was almost 4 and just before my brother was born, almost 50 years ago. In the past 18 months I've really struggled to go there. However my eldest DS and his GF are going to move in soon.I'm so excited for them and the fact that the house is going to be lived in makes me so happy.

Greatbigfluffytrousers · 04/11/2023 00:28

How long has it been since she passed away OP? It’s been nearly 3 years for my DM but DB and I are only just putting the house on the market next week. I just wasn’t read before but for the last few months I’ve felt more able to let go. Also house sitting empty when it could be being used (after the purchaser did a lot of work) felt wrong and council tax and insurance now cost my DB and I £300 each per month.

Greatbigfluffytrousers · 04/11/2023 00:29

Had soooo much stuff to clear out as well

JamSandle · 04/11/2023 00:40

I'm sentimentally tied to my parents home.

Charliecatpaws · 04/11/2023 00:50

It's just so bloody hard. The street that my parents lived is very small and neighbours are very close, only 13 houses. So difficult to leave that behind after so many years.

Loobyloo68 · 26/11/2023 16:12

I took my late mums house of the market, I can't stand the thought of selling it, it's so final. I've decided to rent it out so it's still mine but hopefully having tenants will remove the thought that it's mum's house. I can then sell up

Elmo230885 · 26/11/2023 16:14

When my Mum needed to sell my grandmas house following bereavement she spent a couple of nights at the house. As well as making it easier to sort the house she said it brought her closure as the house was quiet and she saw the contents leaving. It helped her let go.

Focalpoint · 26/11/2023 20:48

Just drove past my parents old house today. First time since it was sold a couple of months ago. Absolutely gutting to be honest. But it's bricks and mortar - it's the people who are important and they are gone.

Beachhutgirl · 26/11/2023 22:28

We are going to be selling our family home soon, my Mother is in a care home.

We talked about what a good place it was for our family to live, and I then said something like " it's time to let another family enjoy it" . It won't be easy to see it go, but thinking like this makes it feel possible.

FiveShelties · 27/11/2023 00:42

I just sold my Mum's house last month and thought it would awful seeing it empty and cleared. It was fine, it was just a house, the memories are in my head.

MyBrownEyedHandsomeBoy · 27/11/2023 06:39

Sorry you're going through this op.
This makes me sad just thinking about it 🥺 and I'd never thought about it before.
my DM lives in a council house (moved in when I was only 7 so it has been my childhood home too) so I'll have no choice but to go in and clear it all out, for it to then be rehomed to strangers so quickly. It's quite sad. And I'm a very emotional and sensitive person, and very very close to my mom

Aydel · 27/11/2023 07:39

My Mum couldn’t bear the thought of anyone living in our house after my Dad died, so she had it pulled down and the land sold to developers. Which I thought was a bit drastic.

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