Remembering neighbours birthday

10 replies

QueenofClutter · 31/10/2023 08:45

Sorry for title, couldn't think of anything else

My next door neighbour, a man aged 88, lost his wife earlier this year. This weekend would be her birthday. Would it be appropriate, or seen as odd, if I bought him a small bunch of flowers to remember her? (There isn't a grave, he has her ashes in the house)

For more context, I lost my husband 4 months ago and I have been spending one evening a week with him, just talking. I know he's lonely - as am I - and I really enjoy our chats. I really am not looking for another relationship, and I don't think he is either, but I don't want him to read more into it than it is - just companionship.

So would flowers "to remember B's birthday" be appropriate or not?

OP posts:

cultureplanet · 31/10/2023 08:49

presumably you were friends with her too? So why not suggest you both go to the grave and you lay your flowers down

notacooldad · 31/10/2023 08:52

@cultureplanet
So why not suggest you both go to the grave and you lay your flowers down
Seriously, did you not read the post?

cultureplanet · 31/10/2023 08:53

huh? Yes I did

cultureplanet · 31/10/2023 08:54

If she was friends with this man’s wife

Then perhaps the op could lay her own flowers down and suggest that they go together?

AnOldCynic · 31/10/2023 08:55

The OP stated there is no grave, ashes kept in his house.

Katrinawaves · 31/10/2023 08:55

I think that would be a lovely idea and wouldn’t expect it to be seen in any way as a “come-on” if phrased the way you have done in your OP.

I'm sorry for your own loss.

AnOldCynic · 31/10/2023 08:56

Lovely thought Queen. Say the flowers are for his wife when you take them rather than for him.

cultureplanet · 31/10/2023 08:58

AnOldCynic · 31/10/2023 08:55

The OP stated there is no grave, ashes kept in his house.

Ah I see. No plaque either op?

cultureplanet · 31/10/2023 08:58

Either way op - I can’t fathom he would think this a come on, and no doubt others will do precisely this too

Mammyloveswine · 31/10/2023 09:02

We lost my mam almost a year ago and my dad is friends with a neighbour who is also recently bereaved. They only met after both of their spouses died but they understand each other and how each is feeling.

They have started going for the odd meal
Or show together. I think it's nice they have a bit of championship! There's nothing 'more" than that.

If your neighbour is 88 op I very much doubt he'll think you're coming on to him!

I think it's a lovely gesture!

Flip