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Original poster

I need to deal with DS's clothes

19 replies

endofthelinefinally · 25/10/2023 11:00

We are approaching the time when we need to consider downsizing. I can't keep his clothes. I have to start somewhere but it is so hard.
I would appreciate any words of wisdom.
I have been so down about it in recent days.
We had a really significant occasion recently, DC travelled back from their respective homes, and it just hit me all over again the DS1 wasn't there.
It just doesn't get any easier.

OP posts:
SaracensMavericks · 25/10/2023 11:03

OP, I am so sorry for your loss and I can imagine this would be incredibly hard. Is there anyone who can help you?

NancyJoan · 25/10/2023 11:03

I am so, so sorry for your loss.

I’m not sure I have any words of wisdom, but be kind to yourself and take it slowly. Keep a few t-shirts, or a jacket or dressing gown that you might wear yourself.

Maybe find a place that supports homeless people, or people trying to get back into work and ask them if they would like things. Then your son’s clothes can be really helping someone.

Sending love.

Woollyjumpersandtomatosoupweather · 25/10/2023 13:39

It's such a difficult time as it feels like you're drawing a final line under their life when you clear someones clothes. Do keep a few cherished items and maybe there's a local charity that might take his shoes suits etc.

We made memory cushions and teddies for siblings out of his favorite shirts. Theres a few people online who make memory teddies.

AmericasfavoritefightingFrenchman · 25/10/2023 13:45

OP that’s so hard. Give yourself permission to keep a favourite item or two. Or you could do the memory teddies or make a patchwork blanket if you prefer?

Would your DH or some of your DC help you? You could take your time packing up the things that are good enough to donate and the things that just aren’t and reminiscing as you go- which would be heartbreaking, I expect, but maybe also cathartic to have done it together?

Original poster
endofthelinefinally · 25/10/2023 14:09

I know it would be upsetting for them too. I have been putting it off, but I know I need to face it. None of it fits DS2 or he would probably take some of the best things.
It really is like losing a bit more of him.

OP posts:
iknowwhatimean · 25/10/2023 20:41

Choose a few key items that you remember him wearing and keep them aside but pack up the rest for charity. You could have the the ones you keep made into a teddy bear or cushion ....something you can hug.

Gummybear75 · 25/10/2023 21:04

A family member had a loved ones clothes turned into a Teddy bear.
You can have a blanket made if you'd like to keep more of them too.
I'm so sorry for your loss

Topsyturvy33 · 25/10/2023 21:06

I’m so sorry for your loss. Sounds incredibly hard x

KnickerlessParsons · 25/10/2023 21:19

Would it help if you knew you were giving the clothes to someone less fortunate? Someone who would really benefit from your generosity who might not otherwise have enough clothes.

Original poster
endofthelinefinally · 25/10/2023 21:59

KnickerlessParsons · 25/10/2023 21:19

Would it help if you knew you were giving the clothes to someone less fortunate? Someone who would really benefit from your generosity who might not otherwise have enough clothes.

I know that is what he would want. He was so generous to everyone. But it is so hard to part with his things. I know I can't keep them, I need to sort everything out.

OP posts:
stitchinguru · 25/10/2023 22:05

I understand….
I was ‘lucky’ (if that can ever apply to a bereaved parent) in that my other son was roughly the same size as the son I lost - He was also a uni student so in need of the clothes. I could take comfort in the fact that this is what his brother would have wanted.
I hope you find a way through this - but remember to do what feels right for you.

StylishM · 25/10/2023 22:07

I'd have a memory blanket/bears made for you and your DS's siblings. Keep a couple of particularly special/significant bits whole and try and donate the rest Flowers

CloudsHailRainbows · 25/10/2023 22:12

I'm so sorry for your loss. My sister and I recently had to sort out my Mums clothes (she passed away 9 months ago) It was quite emotional. We kept a few things and I took some tops to make memory bears for her grandkids. The rest we passed onto a church who were so grateful. The clothes would be used by people who needed it and that's what got us through it.

Guiltypleasures001 · 25/10/2023 22:16

Hi op

I'm so sorry for your loss lovely

I lost my little girl in 1995 she was just short of being 2
When I could face it, I got a box and picked out the bit and outfits that were special to me and stored them away.
The rest I donated to charity, it was hard but I still have that box. In fact it's stored at my parents house well wrapped in their loft.

I sat down surrounded by her stuff on my own and took my time, there's no rush but it's best sorted then you wont stress about it anymore.

I'm sending kind thoughts your way, it's hard it does get easier some times harder, but as you know time marches on and so must we x

mumof2many1943 · 12/11/2023 16:54

I feel so sad for you, When my son died I gave nearly all his clothes to a charity who sent clothes to Ukraine for the children there. It was very hard but I am glad I did it. Be brave and look after yourself.

minmooch · 12/11/2023 20:07

It's so hard. When my son died nearly 10 years ago we have certain items to his Dad, his brother, to charity shops and I have kept a lot. They mean so much and I can see my son in them. I wear a few of his items - a rain coat (today in fact), a Gillet, some jumpers. They give me comfort to wear them and I fully expect people who have not been in my situation to find it extremely odd.

I still have lots of his clothes in boxes. I know one day I will have to do another sort out but I can't, not yet.

I don't have any advice only love and understanding for having to be even thinking of doing this. Xx

anicecuppateaa · 12/11/2023 20:32

So Sorry you are dealing with this OP. It’s just another kick after such a hard experience. I still haven’t got rid of dd’s clothes, and it’s nearly 5 years since she died. Her younger sister wore some which was nice but now they are just in bags in the spare room and we need the space.

I am in 2 minds about what to do. Either, painstakingly go through them (which would be VERY painful and bring back lots of memories), or just ask DH to get rid of them all so I don’t have to go through the pain. Which would you find easier? Would you like to find/ keep some special items? I know I wouldn’t be able to choose what to keep and have made peace with the fact that for me, clothes won’t bring her back and I have other memory items.

Again, I’m so sorry and I totally understand your pain.

Original poster
endofthelinefinally · 12/11/2023 20:33

I wear a couple of his T shirts, DD has a couple of things, but DS2 is bigger and nothing would fit. I will wait until next year. Christmas is hard enough to get through. I don't think I can do it now.

OP posts:
C2190 · 12/11/2023 20:37

I'm sorry for your loss ❤️ he's always with you no matter what 💫

Could you pick out a few of his favourite items of clothing and get them made into a blanket? You can snuggle up and keep him close

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