TW- Suicide and an unidentified weird object. I don’t know what this is. Please help?

[WTHisthis23]

Hi everyone.

I apologise in advance, I am posting here purely for traffic. Anyone who is squeamish, please look away now.

My lovely little sister took an overdose on 15/01 this year. She died on 19/01. Life has been hell, I am still so traumatised. She was 34 years old, my best friend, my person.

A brief history. She had BPD (that we thought was well managed) She moved countries at the end of 2022 to be with a man she had known in her early twenties. He promised her the world. Marriage, babies, financial security, all of it. Some of you might remember my story from a previous post under a different user name.

She fell pregnant and miscarried on Christmas Eve. Shortly after new years she had a massive haemorrhage and was rushed to hospital. She had to undergo surgery and had a few blood transfusions. She was discharged and this bastard of a man kicked her out of his home on 05/01 and said he didn’t want to marry her. A few days later he changed his mind and took her back. She was still so so ill. So ill she felt suicidal.

On 13/01 she sent this to her partner. Later that day she fainted multiple times and told us she was so sick she wanted to die. Her partner took her to the doctor the very next morning but this is the first time we’ve seen this. We now have her phone and access to her WhatsApp and photos. You have to understand, she never left a note. Never said goodbye. It might be controversial to some but my mum and I have looked through her phone to try and piece this puzzle together. We thought she was happy. That she was going to be ok.

Two days before she died she sent her partner these pictures. WTAF is this? We know now that my usually sober sister was drinking and had been given shrooms (which might be what is in this picture next to the ‘thing’) just two days before she overdosed. She was in so much emotional pain. In the caption of the photograph she asked for the pharmacist’s number. What is this???

On a side note, this man did collect snakes. Could this just have been a dead unformed snake? I feel like it’s unlikely and that this came out of her body due to the caption. Less than 48hrs later she took a lethal overdose. Please help us figure out what this is 🙏

It looks like tissue from a miscarriage.

Having been with an ex whilst miscarrying and he just didn’t care - even when I had to phone 999 in front of him collapsed on the floor absolutely cold to the ambulance crew whilst I bled out on the floor - she must have been very ill and very very low and abused. She was in an abusive relationship and lost a much wanted baby and far from friends or family.

Im so sorry. I was once in her place although luckily not abroad and was literally rescued by a lovely nurse that went above and beyond his kindness and compassion and could see the abuse.

I’m so sorry for your loss. Take care 💐

We thought she was happy

Well of course she'd just had an intense miscarriage and then had her partner try to throw her out, and was feeling ill. That would effect anyone, let alone someone with BPD, (often rejection triggers the worst symptoms, including suicide attempts/gestures.) Even a couple of weeks later she will still have been feeling that emotionally. Add in to that to self-medicate, she had been taking drugs that can have an unpredictable effect, which are more risky for those with pre-existing MH problems. I say this as someone who has experienced similar things myself.

Even if the person had been coping well at times in the past, there's still a vulnerability, perhaps especially to rejection. And a miscarriage is devastating too of course. Plus the grief/depression then exacerbated by feeling unwell.

It's really not a mystery.

She may also have feared that she was going to need another hospital stay due to how she was feeling physically and what she presumably passed. It sounds like she understandably had some health worries.

I have some BPD traits and although I'm a lot better, I know that that vulnerability to stress will probably still come back at times.

I'm so glad you're getting EMDR @WTHisthis23 as I found that was great. Please stick with it. x So sorry for what you've all been through. x ❤

So sorry for your loss. I'd want to get to the bottom of that too. Seeing as she asked for a pharmacists number, I'd go to one and ask them!
FWIW - that doesn't look like an umbilical cord to me, at least it doesn't look like anything I passed when I had a MMC but who knows.
Ask a professional.

I thought the same, that's what it looks to me.

@WTHisthis23 I am in recovery myself for BPD, and I can tell you that often we pretend to be happier than we are to our loved ones. It's noting personal, but we often can internalize our feelings. She may have downplayed how bad things had been with her partner. Most likely she did this with a thought to spare your feelings.

May you heal, may you find comfort in your horrific loss.

Yes that's true , especially as you were not local to where she was at the time, she probably tried to play it down for as long as she could, because she didn't want you and your mum to worry.

@porridgeisbae sorry, I should’ve clarified. She hid the abuse and trauma from this man very well. She didn’t want us to know it was ‘yet another failed relationship’. When they reconciled she seemed so happy. The day before she overdosed she sent messages saying how special he was for taking her to a private doctor. For paying for her meds. For taking her out for breakfast and treating her like a queen. I feel so fucking guilty because I should have known. My mum and I carried her and her BPD for 10 years. All the abuse, the suicide threats. When she was with this man she finally had her ‘own home’. She even planted a veggie garden that she was so proud of. I feel so guilty because I know a part of me was relieved that someone else was taking care of her. Convinced myself she would be ok. Saying ‘We thought she was happy’ is just a lie I’m telling myself. I know that 😢 You are right. We should have got on that plane as soon as that miscarriage happened. I know that.

I have nothing helpful to add, but I am so, so sorry for the loss of your sister. Be gentle with yourself.

God, I'm so sorry. I can feel the pain in your words. 😔

I’m so sorry for your loss.

I took a similar photo and it was uterus lining/miscarriage.
It’s odd it’s on a surface and not a tissue though.

I can’t imagine many more things as heartbreaking as a loved one taking their own life.

Its very odd that she didn’t leave a note and perhaps it was an accidental overdose, rather than to kill herself.

I’m so sorry for your loss first of all.

I’m a midwife for context.
It’s not an umbilical cord. It looks like some retained tissue from the miscarriage. Sometimes retained products of conception can cause haemorrhage or infection so it may have been that it didn’t quite all pass and she passed a bit more at a later date. This can happen sometimes.

OP I am so sorry for your loss. I have worked for years as a consultant psychiatrist and have sadly been involved with a few cases of suicide. The overwhelming conclusion I have drawn is that if someone is determined to end their life, then there is usually little that loved ones can do. And whilst there was a ‘trigger’ here is the miscarriage, it could have just as easily been something else at another time. Your sister had deep-seated issues, and all the love of you and your mum, could sadly not change this for her.

I hope I haven’t overstepped, but please be kinder to yourself. There is a good chance that whatever you did, you would not have been able to ‘rescue’ her from her feelings of rejection and low self-worth, even if you had flown over. Life is sometimes just cruel. I hope things heal a little for you; it must still feel so fresh. You will of course never be the same, but I hope you will be able to find some joy in life again. Caring for someone with EUPD is not always easy, your sister was lucky to have you. X

We should have got on that plane as soon as that miscarriage happened. I know that.

Aw don't say that. I mean, I know people blame themselves, but it's not warranted. 🌸 Especially as she had been telling you things were now ok. The problem with BPD is you probably saw emergencies happening several times over the years, but she got through them, so how were you to know she wouldn't this time? People have to develop a bit of distance sometimes for their own wellbeing, plus she might not even have been ok with you coming- people with BPD can be volatile/unpredictable and you know that. None of us have a failsafe crystal ball. Also as you say, she hadn't told you the extent of everything that was going on.

She might not even have 100% meant to end her life- people with BPD sometimes make suicidal gestures as cries for help or to express their feelings; I know I have. Sometimes unfortunately these gestures can unintentionally work.

For those that never saw my first post about this many months ago. This horrible man took her to a private hospital but she didn’t have insurance. She hadn’t been there very long. He never told the truth about what she took even though he KNEW! He lied and said he was her next of kin when my dad lived 10 minutes away and would’ve paid for any treatment she needed. He refused a blood test for her which would’ve shown that she’d taken a lethal dose of paracetamol. If you receive the antidote for that within 8 hours it’s virtually a 100% chance of recovery. He kept silent. He had two phones with him
buy didn’t call us until it was way past 8 hours and we couldn’t do anything for her. She was in a coma within 6 hours and never woke up. She took a picture of the meds she took when she took them at 16:45. She was at the hospital by 17:15. He lied and said she took the meds 3 hours before so they didn’t pump her stomach. The criminal investigation is still ongoing.

I am very sorry for your loss OP. My sister also had BPD and took her own life by paracetamol overdose just over eleven years ago, when she was 39. It is a very difficult loss of come to terms with, the sibling relationship is supposed to be the one that exists throughout your whole life.

I honestly think that you should try to erase these photographs from your memory, because whether you get the answer or not, I don’t think it is going to help you in any way.

He's awful OP. He at best neglected her.

You will find your way through but it must be very hard, not only thinking about things she went through, but also rightly furious at this person.

@porridgeisbae me too, with the "not wanting to die but unable to cope with the overwhelming feelings" type of suicide attempt. BPD is a see you next Tuesday of an illness. I hope you are getting some decent support with it . I found DBT a game changer but not all trusts offer jt, it seems.

@AlmostBulimicType2 I got a lot of private help for it. DBT didn't do much for me but I had EMDR to process some of the underlying issues and that made a big difference. Then I also got some EMDR on the NHS.

If she photoed the meds I think she wanted the ambulance etc (and/or whoever she'd sent them to) to know what she'd taken so that she could receive treatment.

It's all so sad.

@WTHisthis23 If there's an ongoing criminal investigation surely the police have these photos?

I haven't read your previous thread, so sorry your family has been through this. I hope the police take it seriously.

Hormonal changes during pregnancy and miscarriage could have contributed to an acute episode of depression.

@porridgeisbae I think you're right about photographing the meds. Such a sad situation all round. ExBF deserves to be penalised for letting her die.

Glad you were able to get help. I'm having a kind of train!a based therapy now to help process some underlying issues. I had tried to address the trauma before getting DBT, and I wasn't stable enough to do the kind of therapy I'm doing now but I'm stabilised. More or less.

That's great. Be careful what trauma therapy you have as there are some that don't have much of an evidence base or can even make people worse. As far as I know, EMDR has the best evidence base.