Completely detached

[madnessitellyou]

I'm sorry if this upsets anyone, I'll just say in advance.

My uncle, dm's younger brother, died earlier this week after a long, long illness. He was in his 70s. I don't feel anything. I had a great relationship with him, he was fantastic, but there's nothing there at all. I lost my dad three years ago and was utterly heartbroken. It's almost like nothing could ever come close to the agony of that. I've a number of friends who have lost parents since then and I've felt so sad for them because I know what it's like. In other words, I'm not completely heartless (I don't think!).

Is this normal?

Totally normal. I wasn’t upset when my uncle died. Or even my nan for that matter.

Yes, I think it is, especially in the circumstances of a long illness and slow demise. Allow yourself to feel detached.

I agree, I think it's pretty normal. I didn't feel much at all when my grandparents died, or aunts/uncles.
The most upset I've been after a death was when my best friends mum died suddenly - it absolutely broke her and that broke me too. She was such a lovely lady too.

I wouldn't beat yourself up about it x

there is a huge range of responses to loss which are all normal-this is one of them

It's normal, it could be that you felt prepared, having been through huge grief with df and being that your uncle was ill for a long time.

It could be shock (knowing how hard it was with your df, your mind is trying to protect itself). In which case it may suddenly or gradually hit you later on. Either way, let yourself feel what you feel.

I wasn't upset when my either of my Grandads, one of my Grandmas, my Great Aunt or my MIL died. I didn't have bad relationships with any of them, I just didn't feel particularly affected by it

I was moderately upset when my other Grandma and my husband's Grandma died but not distraught

I am autistic, I don't know if that affects how I respond to death. I know my response isn't typical but anything else would have felt insincere

I think it's fine to feel how you feel as long as you're respectful of others grief in the process

Who knows what normal grieving is? I e always felt that I grieved weirdly.

I find that sometimes I feel an unexpected wave of grief years after a loss that I never felt in the immediate circumstance. Sometimes detachment protects us until we can gradually manage the loss later on as time passes.

And sometimes I just haven’t grieved losses that I thought I should have. Who knows.

I'm ok with death. My dad died when i was young and that upset me, but since i became a grandparent i don't really get upset when a close family member dies. I think it's a circle of life thing.