Friends haven't checked in since funeral

[Pumpkinslice]

Feeling a little sad that two of my good friends haven't spoken to me since my dad's funeral. I only have a small group of friends, two of them have been chatting to me frequently which I really appreciate but another two (one of whom calls me her best friend) have been pretty silent. One is totally wrapped up in her boyfriend and social media stuff, it irks me that randoms online are more important to chat to and she's not bothered to ask how I'm doing. Aside from the funeral I've not seen her since the summer, I suspect the boyfriend is the reason for this as she took him back after some drama and maybe feels awkward about that or else is too loved up to bother seeing friends.

My other friend I guess is probably busy with work a lot of the time but a quick "thinking of you" message doesn't take that long surely? She's emigrating soon as well so I'm not even sure that I'll see her before that happens but would be nice to have a quick chat. I guess I'll be the one reaching out asking how they're both doing. It just feels a bit shit. It's been a month since we lost dad and I'm crying again now. Could do with some support and to feel that they care, oh well.

I’m very sorry for your loss, it must be very hard for you.
Unfortunately while it feels like our own world stands still after a bereavement, everyone else’s continues on, and their lives are busy and their priorities their own. I’m glad two of your close friends are checking in regularly but it sounds like the other two have their own stuff going on which is taking up a lot of their time and headspace, and that’s just life really. I would try not to be too hard on them for that, and if you want to see them, message them, suggest a date. If they go for it, wonderful, if not, well, perhaps the friendship has drifted.
Take care of yourself 💐

I am sending you my warmest wishes. Often people don't know what to say. It is disappointing I know. I am nearly two years on from.my partner's suicide and it is still very difficult, so a month is no time at all. You cry if u need to. Be kind to urself OP.

I think a lot of people don't know what to say and they worry if they ask it will keep reminding the bereaved person and upset them more.

I'm really sorry for your loss. Maybe see if they want to go for coffee or something.

I'm one of those people that write out a text 20 times and never send it as I never know what to say to people who have lost a close one. It's probably because they don't know what to say.

Have they had a significant bereavement themselves? I think sometimes people don't get it until they've been there. And sometimes those who have been there can't handle other people's grief if they're struggling themselves.

It is a bit shit. Would you reach out to them? The friend who's emigrating is probably up to her eyeballs though, and possibly feeling a bit emotional herself, I'd cut her a bit of slack.

I agree with others.
Once the funeral is over, for those people not bereaved themselves, life goes on. Many people don't like to keep mentioning it, as they think it will upset you when you appear to be on an even keel.
Others, who haven't had to cope with the death of someone very close, probably have no idea what it is like in those weeks and months after the funeral.
Many of us, after being bereaved, actually don't want people asking how we are every 10mins - it is easier to cope at this stage by 'carrying on' and focusing on work or whatever for those hours, or the dc, or anything other than having to answer messages from well meaning friends.
We are all different.
If you want to talk, you sort of have to let people know that, as many people don't.
I am sorry for your loss, Pumpkinslice

Hi everyone thanks for the responses. Yeah I guess life just goes on but would be nice to hear from them. Maybe I'm expecting too much idk. I don't even know how emigrating friend's plans are coming along as she's not leaving soon but working towards it. Maybe I'll just check in. Yes it must be strange not knowing what to say but I'm still the same person. Yes constant how are you doings gets a bit much but would be nice to know they're thinking of me.

The friends I've not heard from have both their parents still. One of my other friends who is in touch frequently lost her DF too so she knows what it's like and can empathise.

I might just send a chatty message.