Worried I'll forget about my dad

[Pumpkinslice]

It's only been 2 weeks since he passed but I feel guilty that I didn't cry yesterday. I'm worried that I'll forget about him. How do you deal with that?

I started back at work on Tuesday and have been anxious about some work stuff and maybe that took my mind away from crying.

My mother is a hoarder and I searched through piles of stuff to find old photos to use for his funeral. Then looked on the computer for newer ones. There must have been thousands of photos but hardly any of dad. Mostly scenery. We got some decent ones anyway but I'm also feeling bad about not having loads of pics on my own phone. As he got sicker I didn't want to bother him taking pics in case it was obvious it was for "after". He wasn't a big fan of the camera tbh and I do have some, just not lots.

We also didn't have any deep and meaningful conversations about things toward the end. People say you should discuss memories and things. DM said he had a tearful chat with my brother in hospital recently but there was nothing like that with me. He barely said a thing to me in his last days. I remember him telling me to get x and y sorted out (household stuff) in the last few weeks he was alive.

Dad was more of a practical advice and support guy than a dad who told me I was beautiful and that he loved me. He was always there for me if I needed him but didn't really show emotions. I just feel shitty now that he's gone that I'll forget about him because life moves so fast. Thanks for reading x

I am so very sorry for your loss. Losing a parent is incredibly painful. I really don't think there is any way you can forget about your dad. I was recently talking to my mum about her mother who died more than 20 years ago and, at times, her eyes still with tears. That kind of love never dies. Life moves fast for sure but that has nothing to do with the love you feel for those around you, whether they are still here or have passed on.

It is 18 months since my dad died. I don't think an hour has gone by when I haven't thought of him and I don't see that changing any time soon, nor would I want it to. He is part of me and he will be in my heart forever. I still find his passing extremely painful and just today, looking at some photos, I cried.

Please don't waste your time or energy on regrets or on what you wish you had said or done. You are you and your dad was your dad - you knew and loved each other as you are, that's all you need to hang on to.

Take it easy on yourself. Grieving is a long, slow process. Sometimes you will feel like you are 'getting there', sometimes you will feel like you are back at square one. Just feel those feelings and take care of yourself and your loved ones while you adjust.

I would suggest writing down all your memories of your dad but , believe me, you won’t forget him. We don’t cry to order and you can feel a loss deeply without crying at the funeral. Do you have children? Make sure you talk to them about your dad. I’m sure your dad loved you and maybe he wanted to spare you heartfelt conversations at his bedside. My father died 20 years ago - he is in my heart, in my head and in everything I do such as reading, listening to opera, giving to charity. He influenced the way in which I brought up my children. On the anniversary of his death we light a candle in his memory. How could you ever forget the man who brought you up and made you the person you are? I am sorry for your loss. Don’t be too hard on yourself.

You'll never forget him . My dad died in 1995 and my mum in 1997 and I think about them both so often . I still smile at things we did or said and still chat to them when I visit their grave. They're our parents the only people who knew us from birth they're an inescapable part of who we are . You will pass their words down to your children and their children too and they in turn will pass them to their grandchildren.
I'm so sorry for your loss and trust me it will get better as the years pass .

I agree that you don't need to worry about forgetting your dad or feel guilty for not crying.

My brother died earlier this year, and I had a couple of days early on where I didn't cry and also felt very guilty. I still cry almost every day, but I find I don't cry much when I am really focused on work or other things. I think it's healthy to have some balance of days where you take more time to think of him, and other days where you focus on other things - both are important for your well-being.

About the photos, I've also run into this issue because I hate having my picture taken and didn't pose for any pictures with my brother for the last 20 years. I do have some recent photos of him, and some childhood photos of us together. But in the absence of recent photos, I've found it useful to have some of his belongings that were meaningful to me, to visit places where we spent time together, to talk about him with family, and to do things that we both enjoyed. Do you have something other than photos that you could use to remember him?

And this might sound strange, but I'm a biologist and I've found it helpful to think of family relationships in terms of genetics. You inherit half of your DNA from your dad and half from your mum. So in a genetic sense, your dad lives on through you and through any children that you might have; you are a living memory of him.

I hope that helps, and am very sorry about your dad.

Sorry for your loss 💐. You won’t forget , but there will be days when you don’t think about him and then something will happen or be said and it will spark a memory . My dad died in 1990 , I still miss him .

I’m so sorry for your loss. I promise you will never forget him though. I was 18 when my dad died, very suddenly. I’m 46 now, almost the age he was. Only this week a man crossed the road in front of me and I did a double take. That hasn’t happened for ages because fashions have changed I suppose, and people don’t really look like they did in the 90s, but this guy did.
I can still hear his laugh sometimes too. I do t have many pictures of him, but he’s still imprinted on my memory.
Be gentle on yourself. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. It’s a whole bunch of emotions that change over time, and the intensity changes too, but your memory doesn’t. Take care

Thanks everyone for your kind words and advice. Sorry to all those who have also suffered a sad loss. Feeling a little better today. Memories do come up from time to time, funny things he's said etc. I'm looking forward to having a proper look through the old photos of him later.

I don't have kids myself but will talk to my niblings about their grandad. We're very lucky to have had him in our lives ❤️

I can relate to this, so sorry for your loss genuinely., comes as a real shock, you are normal and no you aren't crazy sometimes the unsubcontious mind plays tricks and we see those who have passed on.

I think it will start to sink in soon now that everything has settled down. Feels like it happened ages ago and only yesterday.

So sorry for your loss

Dad was more of a practical advice and support guy than a dad who told me I was beautiful and that he loved me. He was always there for me if I needed him but didn't really show emotions. I just feel shitty now that he's gone that I'll forget about him because life moves so fast.

This sounds a lot like how my dad was to. He died in October 2022 just over a year ago now

You won't forget him. I have found as time has gone on some I don't think about him all the time but I very much feel him still with me even though he is gone he is a part of me and always will be . I have so many good memories of my lovely dad
Dad also barely said a thing to me in his last week/days and we didn't have any deep conversations.
It's really hard. Give yourself time if you can and remember I'm sure your dad would want you to be happy and live your life..I know mine would

Lots of beautiful and sympathetic advice here, OP, but can I just say DF died when I was 13 - he wasn't around much when we were children because he was in the Merchant Navy. I'm now nearly 70 and think about him more than ever, so there's no chance you will forget him.

My dad was a practical sort too. I think of him all the time, when I have to check the oil or put air in my tyres, when my curtain rail needs refixing, all those dad jobs he would have done for me.
I have his spirit level, a real old vintage one. They don’t make them like that anymore. Whenever I use it, or even shove it out of the way to get something, I see his face and his old scruffs he wore when he was fixing things.

Thanks everyone, good to know there's others who had similar dads. I felt a bit bad about not being a daddy's girl and having dad tell me how amazing I was. Maybe I've watched too many movies!

Glad that your dad's memories are still strong, I've been thinking about him every day think it's still not fully sunk in that he's gone though.

I'm feeling quite run down just now and full of the cold, not sure if it's stress related due to losing dad.

I'm sorry for your loss.

It's been 10 years since I lost my dad. I still think of him every day, without a doubt. Odd time I'll have a cry when there's been a big
Moment in my life he's missed out on.

But honestly, I still remember his voice, laugh etc.
I've learnt that time isn't a healer we just sadly learn to live without him.

Sending love.

It’s so hard losing a father. There’s a lot to process and it takes time. You aren’t really in control of that. Just roll with it. And be assured you won’t forget him.

I'm very sorry for your loss

I can promise you that you won't forget him. My mum died almost 20 years ago, and I still haven't forgotten her! Same with my dad who died just over 7 years ago.

Every now and then I dream about them, which is oddly comforting. And in my dreams I hear them speak, which is lovely.

They're a part of you, always in your heart.

Great advice thanks. Hopefully I'll have a dad dream soon x

I am so so sorry for your loss. It's over 10 years since I lost my mum and I promise you I haven't forgotten her, and you won't forget your dad.

My thoughts are with you.

My dad was the reliable practical loyal parent too. Quietly affectionate and gave great hugs. He's been gone a few years now. Take your time and look after yourself as its such early days in your grief. Don't dwell on "what ifs", but try to remember and focus on happier times together to help you with your grief.

We cook dads favourite meal on his birthday and I use some of his old work tools (some inherited by him from my grandad) and smile at the memory of him.
Will definitely smile when I put the central heating on on 1 Nov "and not before! Put a jumper on!" 💕

Thanks again, glad joyful memories of parents still come through after so long. That's 3 weeks now, time flies in so quick.

What a lovely way to remember your dad. My dad's birthday is next month so we will definitely do something for him that day. Wish I could have another hug, we'd taken to doing elbow bumps since covid and I only started hugging him again in his last couple of weeks.

OP. I am sorry for you loss. I promise you won't forget your Dad. Mine died nearly 28 years ago now and I haven't forgotten him. Don't feel guilty about not crying. Everybody grieves differently and there is no right or wrong way to grieve. You will cry when you are ready. 💐

You won't forget. He's remembered and lives on in you, in the things he taught you without either of you realising it at the time.

Two weeks is very early and you will almost certainly still be in shock, it's how our hearts and minds protect us in those early weeks.

Like you, when my dad died I only had a couple of photos to remember him by, but I had other memories, of his dreadful singing voice and his gentle, grounded, patient way of dealing with life, showing me how to wire a plug, or teaching me how to make pastry. He's been gone over 30 years now and sometimes there are still times I think I see him in the street or something will be on TV and I'll remember us watching it together when I was little.

I am so sorry for your loss, please don't fear that you'll forget him, and grieve as you need to, when you need to. 💐💐

Yes it doesn't seem real. I think part of the problem is life moves along so fast and you get swept up in everything. I was off work for 2 weeks and it was spent organising dad's funeral, running mum to appointments etc then bam I was back at work like I'd never been away. I think I need to slow down a bit I've got the cold too which doesn't help. Just want to have some quiet time to sit and think about dad, look at his photos etc. I have a holiday coming up soon so I'll take it easy.