Decluttering

[QueenofClutter]

My DH died 4 months ago. We had been married for 40 years and have no kids.

He came from a large family. But time and distance meant they weren't particularly close any more. They all have kids of their own.

He died suddenly, literally dropped down dead in front of me, and I can't get that out of my head. Looking at all his stuff brings it all back, and in particular it breaks my heart seeing his beloved motorbike and biking gear.

I've taken most of his clothes to the charity shop and I'm now going through his record collection. I have no qualms about getting rid of things I know I'll never listen to (our musical tastes differed). Likewise he had a load of old family photos, from before we married, that are of no interest to me. One sib was pestering me about these before the funeral but hadn't bothered contacting me since, even tho I've reminded him about them, and given him a deadline. I've offered loads of things to his sibs, including memorabilia from their parents, but they haven't even replied (It's not a distance thing). Would it be unreasonable to just chuck them out?

I feel like I need to do some serious decluttering but I don't know what to do with much of it including the bike bits and paraphernalia. I've asked for help but have been badly let down by someone I thought I could rely on. This is really stressing me out now.

Part of me is thinking I'm being too hasty and in the future i may regret disposing of all his belongings but I feel like I'm drowning and won't be able to move on while I'm surrounded by so much stuff.

Does this sound like I'm trying to completely remove him from my life or is it a natural reaction?

I’m sorry for your loss

I’d be tempted to (if the collection is not too large) box up their parents things and the photos and just post them to the siblings. It lets them make the decision what to do with them, but doesn’t give them the chance to say you’ve done the wrong thing by throwing them out.

Have you had any bereavement counselling? I think you should so that before making any decisions.

It’s early days. Can you box it up and put it in the spare room/garage for a while until you’re feeling stronger?
I would definitely do that with anything from his parents as his siblings may well want it. I expect it is all very raw for them as well and maybe they can’t handle it at the moment.

I'm still sorting stuff out and it's been 4 years! I think the fear of losing something important creates a kind of inertia but I'm getting there. Every so often I take another load to the tip and think to myself, why on earth did I even keep that? I enjoy the space that's left behind.

So sorry for your loss. Could you give them a date to suit you of course to pick up things or tell them you, ll dump them?.

Nearly 3 years here, I threw away his toothbrush this week !

Can you box it up and just deliver it ?

i'm sorry you are going there this.
i would take pictures of everything related to his family things. make a strict date, sent the pictures to everyone, ask them to copy around to other family you may not know etc and then, if time goes by and you don't here from them by the date stated charity the entire lot.
it's not strange to be doing this at this time, you do you hun, the worst thing about death in the family is it shows you who really is there in times of need. go day by day and see how you get on.