Really don't know how I'm supposed to feel

[serenity]

My nan died this morning. My Sil just rang to tell me after my dad rang to tell my brother (me and my sister don't see him, my brother sees him maybe once a year) Consequently we were sort of amicably estranged from his side of the family (seen them a few times, always swap christmas cards but that's about it) It's crappy really considering before my parents split we were down there every couple of months, and we were very very close.

I don't feel like I've got any right to be upset I suppose. I keep feeling really calm and practical and then realise that I'm crying and feel like a fraud for doing it. I just feel sick.

My Dad knows we'll want to go to the funeral, but I'm worried about stirring things up by going. My blood relatives will be fine I think, but I've heard (3rd hand) that my Dad's wife (who I've never met) has issues with us and I don't want to deal with that.

I think I feel guilty as well that I didn't make more of an effort to keep things going with them.

I am sorry for your loss

You do have a "right" to be upset - she was your Nan

go to the funeral - i think goodbyes are very important

Thank you RubySlippers.

I think you should go too. She was your nan. You cant help the past. Sometimes decisions are made for us. But now you are an adult and you are entitled to make your own, i.e if you want to go, go, its not fair for anyone else to decide that you cant say goodbye.

Sorry for your loss.

thanks all.

well, just had a successful evening at work - had an evil customer from hell- usually deal with these quite well but ended up in tears with the shakes in the staff restaurant. Unsurprisingly I got sent home. This is a really sucky day.

Of course you are upset and confused. And you have the right to be. She was your grandmother, not your dad's wife's relative. I felt awfully guilty for not being a 'better' grand-daughter when my gps died, but the truth is that you're not always as close as once, and you don't know what the future will hold or how your relationships will develop. Please do go to the funeral if you want to. If you worry about how other relatives will behave, then count to 10 before replying to them. You have every right to grieve, whether you last saw her yesterday or 10 years ago.

sorry to hear your news.

I was heartbroken when my gran died. I hadn't seen as much of her as I used to and missed my christmas visit, she died 2 days later. I don't think I will ever forgive myself for that.
Your feelings are as valid as anybody elses in the family. Go to the funeral and say goodbye.
If anybody is ungracious enough to say anything to you on such a day then I don't think they are even worthy of a response. I would merely give them the cold eye and walk away. Coming from the generation your grandmother would have come from she would appreciate your grace.
sending you strength for the funeral.

Thanks again - we're definitely going. Dh is going to stay with the DCs and I'm going to drive up with my DSis (who's just as nervous as me) Strength in numbers!

Strength in numbers is a good idea, Serenity - and I'm sad to hear of your poor Nan.

Serenity, darling, I am so sorry for your loss.

hello you two thanks again.

(as an aside, broke my PC a few weeks ago, and have lost all my email contacts/phone numbers )

My heart goes out to you. You do have a right to be upset she was your Nan and I'm sure you have fond memories of when you did see her.

My Gran died at 6.30am today and I logged on here to take my mind off things. Will be thinking of you too at this sad time.