Should I take the children to say goodbye?

[Bartlebum]

Their grandma has been moved from end of life care to a hospice. We didn't take them to the hospital. It's a much nicer setting. They want to say goodbye. She wants to see them. She's so unwell, liver failure (from an autoimmune condition), so yellow skin and purple bruises everywhere. Sometimes she has been on good form and others she's on morphine and makes no sense.

My children are 6 and 8 and they love her. But my 6 year old is very sensitive and suffering from recent anxiety (possibly due to her Grandma's situation). I don't know if it will help or hinder.

Any advice or experience? I'd be glad to hear.

Please let them say goodbye, be honest with them and when the time comes don't use euphemisms - as blunt as it sounds (terminology like gone to sleep can make kids anxious at night). There's good resources on the child bereavement network

I would let them say goodbye. A brief visit with plenty of discussion.

Not grandpa, but a grandpa figure. Was ill for awhile and I used to take DD to visit every week as he loved to see her (she was 5). On one visit, I decided that I wouldn’t be taking her again as he’d gone downhill but he passed away 2 days later. She remembers him fondly and had no anxiety around his passing.

The decision was kind of taken out of our hands. The following day she was so distressed that they have heavily sedated her and she hasn't been awake since. I don't know what happened but it was so upsetting that my brother in law that was with her at the time left the hospice and feels he can't face coming back.

My husband and other family members are staying by her side at all times, but I feel like it's a waiting game.

It's only been one week since we found out she was going into palliative care rather than treatment. As soon as she was moved out of the hospital room to a hospice we wanted to take the children, but in my opinion it's now too late. It all happened too quick.

I think you should take them. Especially because she wants to see them. Be quite straight forward about it all and do warn them that she might appear different … try and describe what she might be like. But it’s really healthy for them to say goodbye to her and infinitely precious to her, and o am sure to them.

I think you should still take them. If she's under sedation you can explain to them that she is asleep and won't be able to talk to them. But they will be able to hold her hand and might want to say something to her.
Having a chance to be with her while she's still alive will be of comfort to them if they have already asked for it themselves.
We really need to normalise death in this country! We all die. You can't hide it away from them. Death happens, people grieve, grief is always better when shared.