I’m very new to this. Why will I be able to sleep again?

[Lookingforasilverlining]

My Mum pasted on Saturday. My sister and I spent Thursday and Friday night with her so only have 2 hours sleep each in blocks of a hour. For two days before that I knew what was coming so didn’t sleep. I’m exhausted and I can get to sleep but I just can’t stay asleep. When does this but get better?

Do not hurry as you walk with grief
It does not help the journey

Walk slowly, pausing often

Do not hurry as you walk with grief
Be not disturbed by memories
that come unbidden
Swiftly forgive and let
Unspoken words, unfinished conversations
be resolved in your memories

Be not disturbed
Be gentle with the one who walks with grief

If it is you, be gentle with yourself
Swiftly forgive, walk slowly,
Pause often,
Take time

Be gentle as you walk with grief. 💐

Hi OP I'm sorry you've lost your Mum.
In my experience even though we may know the end is coming it's still a big shock to the body and mind. I think PP is right, now is the time to accept that what you are experiencing is natural and normal but it will pass. So when you feel you can sleep, allow yourself to do that. When you can't sleep just know that this will pass. Be kind to yourself and don't try and force it. I napped during the day or just went to bed whenever I felt the urge to sleep and didn't worry too much about what time it was or whether I'd made plans to do other things. It worked for me, although it might not for you.
My GP was very helpful too, just to talk to in a very non medicalised way.

BTW I'm here at this hour precisely because I can't sleep and I'm thinking about my Dad, but I got up and made some tea and I know that I'll drop off again at some point, so you're not alone. 🙂

I'm so sorry for your loss.
A lot of people I know have ended up on sleeping tablets for the immediate days, weeks or months following the death of someone close to them for the exact reasons you describe. Although sleeping pills won't mean you wake up feeling refreshed in the way you would after a usual good night's sleep, you will have had some rest and, perhaps more importantly, a break from the thoughts racing around your head.

The GP will prescribe sleeping tablets for a couple of weeks for grief. I’m sorry for your loss, I also lost my mum recently x

GP has given me Zopiclone for 4 weeks.

So sorry about your mum OP.

Saturday is not very long ago at all so I’m not surprised you aren’t sleeping. I remember thinking the same thing after my sister died. I don’t really have the answer but you will sleep again. It just sort of happens. In the mean time, just take whatever sleep you can get.

Deepest sympathy to you and your family.

My mum passed away in the early hours of Sunday morning.
I am exhausted and sleep for a couple of hours then lie awake
thinking about anything and everything.

My mum passed away, very peacefully, at the age of 92 just before Christmas. I don’t think I slept for more than 2 hours at a time for 6 months. I wasn’t working at the time so would get up later and later . . . I was prescribed Mitrazapine for a couple of weeks but it did nothing for me, the only thing that helped was time.
So sorry for your loss, losing your Mum is awful. My mum would have been 93 tomorrow, I’m so sad I won’t be with her sharing her favourite custard tart and a birthday G & T! But at least I had her until I was 62. Love never dies.

Hi OP, sorry to hear of your loss.

It is still very recent and you will have so much going round in your head. Then you'll have the funeral to arrange and get through, which will also be quite stressful most probably. Any sleep you get in the next few weeks will be as and when. Don't expect that you'll sleep all through the night, but take advantage of naps as and when you can.

Sometimes writing things down can help. When you wake up in the night thinking or worrying, have a notebook on your bedside table and make a brief note. Tell yourself you'll think about that more in the morning.

By all means see your GP and see if they can prescribe something just to help you rest for a few weeks. Take care of yourself 💐

@ClaraBourne that’s beautiful. Thank you.

I want to avoid medication as I have young children who are often awake during the night.

I seem to have the opposite problem now where I’m suddenly exhausted and drained all the time.

@Soupsetscared I’m sorry for your loss. How are you doing today?

The exhaustion and being drained passes too. You might end up switching between the two for a while.

@ClaraBourne thank you thank you thank you xx

Lots of walks should help. To get your mind to start processing the grief, and to ease some of the tension in your body.

DS was gravely ill earlier this year and the nurses advised going for walks, you don't start processing the trauma if you're always in the same place.

Sorry about your mum. [Flowers]

The sleep thing is because chemically, your body is in high alert knowing something terrible is going on, you were absolutely running on adrenalin as your mum was ill and now that has to somehow ease. You'll be exhausted. A glass of wine before bed might help (just one!)

I’m so sorry for your loss.

when my brother died I couldn’t sleep more than 1-2 hours per night for a week. I also couldn’t eat without feeling sick. After about a week I started to get better. It helped that the funeral was over and life got a bit more “normal” again

Feeling all your pain, I lost my brother earlier in the year. I have been crying myself to sleep a lot. If I wake I put on some ASMR or an audio book know really well so I don't have to think about the story. I'm very sorry for your loss OP.

I'm sorry for your loss. When my Mum died I didn't sleep or eat (lost half a stone in a few days). Total exhaustion will kick in, but be prepared for it to take time. Everyone is different but we can only cope with it in own individual way so please don't feel that you 'should' behave, or experience your grief in any particular way.

I gave in and asked for sleeping pills for 12 days to get me to the funeral. I used that as a cut off as I didn't want to become reliant on them. They did help for the worst 12 days though.

I am so sorry for your loss and you too @Soupsetscared . It has been a few months for me now and I find that I need to read to fall asleep. I still wake more often but I focus fully on the book (usually a comfort read of a favourite series) and I fall asleep much easier x