The worst thing

[Ollifer]

I've been thinking about this a lot over the years, both of my parents died when I was 20 and although I'm now early 30s I still feel it just as strong. Whenever I achieve something, I always think how they'd be proud, but will never know. So that thing just feels like nothing to me. I've done really well in my career the past two years, had two promotions but it all feels dull. I have a child and he's amazing but I just wish they could meet him and see how I am as a parent but they never will, all they knew is me as a difficult teenager/very early adult. It never stops affecting every single aspect of my life :(

I am so sorry, I have no advice or experience but didn't want to leave your post unread. That's so early in life to lose both your parents and it's natural that you miss that opportunity to share things with them. Have you tried having bereavement counselling? I don't think it matters how far down the line it is. It could really help you.

I lost my dad when I was 21, I’m in my 50s now. It does slowly get easier with time. But I still have moments when I realise he’s missed most of my life. The good and the not so good. I think all you can do is live your best life and be proud of what you’ve accomplished with such early loss. Show your child love and independence, and hopefully as they grow and mature you will be able to share with them. You can’t change what has happened but you could change the way you see it, and how you react to it. Do you have any one you can really talk to? Or maybe some counselling would help?
Sounds like you’re doing amazingly well

I know - it is grim. My late OH would have been so proud of the accomplishments of our DDs.

Agreed, I lost mum when I was 21 and dad when I was 28. I'm 40 now and still find myself feeling sad when DD does something and I think they would have loved to have met her and been part of her life, or when I achieve something and want to be able to tell them, or just when I think I'd really like to just have a hug from my mum and have her make me a hot drink and be there when I feel rubbish.

On a day to day basis I am a happy, resilient and content person, but sometimes I just miss my mum and dad and it hits at the most random times.

Hugs all round 💐

Indeed hugs from me too, 💕. I’ve shed a tear for us all.

I try and view it that even though a loved one can't see it, you're living your life in a way that would make them happy and proud. It's not the same but it does give you some personal satisfaction and comfort. I still tell my dc that our family who have passed are watching from heaven. Not sure I believe that but it's a nice thought for little ones.

I'm sorry you're feeling this way, it really is very hard.

I lost both my parents at a much later point in my life. The thing I try to remember when I am feeling down is that they would have wanted me to be happy. I wrote this on a post it note which I see every day to remind me that they would not want me to be sad. Likewise remember that your parents would want you to be happy and live your best life. Hugs to all

@Ollifer it is so difficult when parents aren't there to celebrate the good times and comfort you in the bad, like no one is fighting your corner.
I try to imagine that they're up there somewhere, watching me and knowing what has happened in my life. It helps that I have a great imagination, but I still do feel sad when something particular happens and they're not around to tell.

Oh man I've been blubbing reading the comments, didn't think I'd get a response I guess I was just putting my thoughts out there. Sorry to all who also feel like this. 🌺

Same here, I always think about how my dad would have loved my two boys after only having girls himself.

Still find my self quickly thinking of giving him a ring (after 7 years!)

Sending hugs to you. I have reframed my grief, so when my kids achieve something great I feel that it’s part of my loved ones living on in them and that makes me happy. I still cry as we all should when we miss them, but I feel my kids are an extension of them and have little character traits I recognise that always make me smile

I’m with you OP. I lost my dad when I was 34 and my mum when I was 36. I’m about to have my second baby and I feel such sadness knowing they will never know him. The sadness never seems to leave. I also feel resentful sometimes as all of my friends have both their parents and they have no idea

I live that! ❤️

Love

I've not lost a parent but we lost our DD. I remember being told you have to live a Yr and a day to start the healing process as it takes you through every significant event such as birthdays Easter Christmas etc. It doesn't hurt less but it becomes easier to manage. We'll often talk about what she would be doing now and the person she would be. In some ways I don't want to not feel that loss because I don't want to not remember her. I wish we had more time with her but I write her a letter every year about what her older and now younger brothers are up to just so I can feel we can share those moments. It feels quite cathartic.

Sending love to everyone

I lost my Dad at the start of the year and am still in that awful phase when I start crying whenever something happens that I'd have normally rung him straight away to tell him about. And I can't honestly ever imagine that not happening in some ways. I think I'm starting to accept that I will miss him and think about him in some way for every day for the rest of my life. And I'm OK with that because it just shows how important he was too me

I’m feeling this a lot today. It’s been 3 years and every single day I feel the big space in my life that he used to fill.
I got promoted not long after he died and for the first time in my adult life became financially stable, it makes me so angry that he’s not here to see it; he went through all the hard times with me, he deserved to see me in a better position.
Sending hugs to you all. I hope you can feel your loved ones in any way that brings comfort.

I'm so sorry for your loss; and everyone else on this thread. My beautiful, wonderful MIL lost a baby at 7 weeks old and we talk about him all the time. I hosted the family last week as it would have been his 40th birthday. It must be so difficult to deal with but I know she takes comfort in talking about him. As someone who only joined their family 10 years ago, he feels as much of a part of the family as anyone else still living.

Agree about the resentful part, lost my dad at 14. A lot of people my age still have grandparents too. 😢